Me and my Munchkins

Soccer

2011-06-16T20:36:00.002-06:00

Jaycee had decided to play soccer this year with her cute friend Sofia. Jaycee had never played before and if you know my girl, she isn't the quickest kid. She is slow at everything!!! And I mean everything!!! The last to get up, the last out of the car, the last to eat, the last to go to bed, the last to do everything.

She has been AWESOME at soccer. Loved every minute of it. And the best part is that she is actually good at it. Her coach commented many times that she was doing an great job. My Jaycee had finally found her thing! She has tried all season to score a goal, she got close several times but just couldn't quite get it in the net.

Her team the "Pink Awesomeness" was asked to play an extra game to help some of the other teams make up some of their rain out games. She had her game on Tuesday. She had tripped over the vacuum the day before and had a sore pinky toe. I told her she didn't have to play, but she was SO excited that she got to play another game. Well it happened to be against a pretty good team. They were down going into the 4Th quarter 2 to 0. Jaycee was playing her buns off!!! The other coach walked over and said that #9 was awesome and she hoped she got a goal. I was so proud of Jaycee for playing and trying so hard!

Well my baby girl ended up scoring 2 goals that night!!! Yes, two goals!!! I am so dang PROUD!! The other coach congratulated her and her coach picked her up and swung her around!! SO CUTE!!! When her goals went in her face was priceless!!! And the Pink Awesomeness ended up winning 4-2!!!

YAY JAYCEE!

Well during this game Jaycee got tripped and kicked, she cried, but stayed in the game. The next day she couldn't walk on her foot:( She ended up having a broken toe!! What a TROOPER! Love that girl!!!

Cloud 9....OK, maybe 10

2011-05-17T23:20:00.002-06:00

Yesterday Brynn had a softball game. As we were getting ready for the game she pulled her hair in piggy tails. She commented that they were higher than she normally liked. I joking said, "Maybe you'll strike out!" I was totally joking and we both laughed.

The other team had first ups and our pitcher wasn't doing so hot! They walked 6 runs in. This is NO BUENO and I could tell Brynn was upset. She got up to bat and STRUCK OUT! Bryn has never struck out this year and has had fun in this league standing out as one of the best players. She kept swinging too soon and stepping into it. I went over and talked to her. She knew she was early and was going to try harder next time.

Her team scored 6 runs that inning and our pitcher picked up her game the next inning. Brynlee played 3rd base and got a couple really good plays that lead to outs. I talked to her about focusing and not feeling like she couldn't strike out. I am proud of her no matter what happens. Well she STRUCK OUT AGAIN!!! She didn't even swing the bat!!!!! My biggest thing is if you are going to strike out...strike out swinging. I talked to her and was a little upset and she knew she should have swung. ( I sometimes get a little competitive and should just shut up)

The next inning went by well and we were ahead. It comes about time for Brynn to bat for the 3rd tome and I joking said let's change your hair. So she pulled it back in 1 pony and went up to bat. I know the other team was thinking, " easy out!" "this girl has struck out twice already!" They even move in from the out field. The first pitch was thrown and SMACK!!!!! That ball went clear out to right field. Brynn wasn't even paying attention to the base coaches and headed straight to 3rd base. I really thought she would stop there, but I was a huge grin on her face as she headed for home!! I was jumping and screaming and she was smiling SOOOO BIG!!!
FIRST HOME RUN EVER!!!!!! I am one proud MAMA!!! Oh did I mention the bases were loaded? GRAND SLAM!!!!!

Several parents came up to her after and congratulated her! Even the Ump said awesome job as she came across home. She has been on cloud 9 since!!! Sue came to the game and I was so glad she got to see her hit it!

Well today Brynn found her cell phone she had lost since Nov. So I think she has officially moved up to cloud 10. If there is such a thing!!!

Love Brynn so much and hope nothing can bring her down!

DrEaM lOvEr(s)

2011-03-23T21:17:00.006-06:00

So I have 3 men that I am seriously in L.O.V.E. with! I just don't know who to pick?

I love Bill Rancic. He is HOT and a good husband. I kinda have a crush on his wife too!

Dermot oh Dermot. I think I truly just love his name. He is not a huge actor, but he has been in some of my favorite T.V. shows as well. He is dreamy!

Joshy! He has been in some of my favorite movies and he seems so down to earth. I have a HUGE crush on him:)

I think I just needed an excuse to post hot men on my page:)

Torn

2011-03-13T23:14:00.002-06:00

This past weekend I participated for the 4Th year in an annual auction for Burn Camp. I love how generous people are and know that the money they spend is well spent on these amazing kids.

But there is a conflict. (of course there is, this is ME we are talking about) I am the only one that is LDS. This has been hard for me because I L.O.V.E them...all of them. It is hard to be around people who drink. I have drank in the past (hey I went through a divorce, don't act so surprised) jk that is NOT an excuse, but I have a past. One I regret a lot of. I feel like sometimes it would be easier for me to choose the other lifestyle. I feel like this is a fight for me...one I am not sure I can win. The auction went well, but I forgot half my clothes. Oh well...I am glad it is over.

I went to church today. I only got 3 hours of sleep because of the time change and the auction. I LOVE my bishop! He is a wise man. He loves me...he knows of my struggles even though I don't talk about them. He understands and councils me. I feel torn until I talk to him. Then is know exactly what I want and I know I wont settle.

He related my struggles to running. I love to run! I don't run often enough...this will change:)

He said, " You're running a marathon, not sprinting." I need to remember that and pace myself.

surgery

2011-02-26T22:12:00.003-07:00

Jaycee had her surgery this last Thursday. This day was bittersweet for me. I am hoping this "STING" procedure helps her infections and protects her kidney, but my baby girl was having surgery!!!!!!!

The left side if Jaycees bladder re flux's back up into her kidney.(think acid reflux) This would be the yucky stuff the kidney filters, and so that yucky stuff gets caught in her kidney causing kidney, bladder, and urinary tract infections. NOT FUN STUFF!

Jaycee potty trained fairly quickly, but always had accidents. This frustrated me to NO end!! I tried everything! I had no idea she had a problem and neither did the doctors till about a year ago....still I have a lot of regrets in the way I treated her and chose punishments. I was never cruel, I just thought she was being lazy, and so did her doctor.

So after a year of fighting with her Urologist and several more infections, her doctor decided to do a procedure on her bladder. They injected her bladder with some stuff to make the ureter opening not quite so large and paralyzed the part they thought was refluxing. This will cause her bladder to scar and hopefully repair the problem. If this doesn't work, she will have to have her ureter placed in a different spot. This is major surgery and requires a 5 day hospital stay!!! Let's pray it works. We wont know for 12 weeks if it has worked. It only has about a 40% chance, but I am super hopeful!

Thursday went great! She is such a trooper. She had to have a tooth pulled in the OR because it was loose and when they intabated her they could have knocked it out. The tooth fairy visited the OR and her tooth came out in a cup with a dollar taped to it. When Jayce woke up she was very sick to her tummy and in a LOT of pain. She was crying so hard! I cried...which probably made it worse. Her sweet PAPA had given her a coin before we left for surgery called a "papa coin" and when she squeezed it he would think of her. This was the first thing she asked for when she woke up:) Her nurse Teresa was amazing and was super sweet to Jayce. We came home later that day and she slept most of the day. I received so many phone calls and emails...it was wonderful.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and prayers. They have meant the world to me.

Sacrifice

2011-02-14T21:26:00.002-07:00

We watched this video in Relief Society yesterday and it has been on my mind ever since. I had several ancestors who came here with the Martin Handcart Company. I spoke with my mom about it today, she said that I come from good Pioneer stock, and to always remember that. Thanks Mom

D.O.N.E.

2011-01-30T21:44:00.003-07:00

I am going to vent and then I will be DONE.

My sweet Jaycee is going to have to have surgery...this SUCKS! I hate her being sick all the time and I hate how much money all this is costing me. We go in on Feb. 8Th to find out what exactly her surgery will all include. I know it will involve her bladder, left ureter, and left kidney....sounds like a lotta stuff to me.

I hate that her Dad has no idea that she is even sick, or that he hasn't cared to see her for well over 2 years!!!! Almost 3 years he hasn't seen her. He hasn't seen her since she was 5, Camden was 3 and Bryn was 7. I don't get it???? I never will, but it bothers me when she has to go through this that it is ALL on me. I have more that I CAN handle right now.

I hate school! I feel stupid and inadequate. I hate it! I want to be a nurse so bad, but I am not able to do it all. I feel overwhelmed with just being a single mom...I hate that too!!!

I miss my old ward...my new ward is nice, but I feel like I don't belong. I am praying this will get easier.

I wish I had better parents who would help me and love me for me. There isn't much I can do about this, but I wish it was different.

I am scared I will be alone forever....this scares me a lot. I want to be loved, and to love again. This is the deepest desire of my heart.

My Bishop randomly asked to meet with me today. I cried A LOT. He promised me A LOT of things, but I do not feel worthy of his promises. I hate this feeling. I don't want to burden him with my problems.

I want single friends. I love my friends dearly, but I need some that understand the CRAP that comes with single life.

I hate being a Mom sometimes. It breaks my heart to say this, but I do feel this way. I LOVE my kids, but again feel inadequate when it comes to raising them alone.

I am scared to go to the temple...I have had a recommend to a year now and haven't used it. I am really scared.

It looks like I need to find my BIG GIRL PANTIES!

IDK, my BFF Gail?

2011-01-06T13:33:00.003-07:00

The week before Christmas I was working a lot, taking care of three kids, and trying to get Christmas bought for my kids. Needless to say I was exhausted! I had just finished up the CRAPPIEST semester of my life, and I didn't pass one of my classes:( I was feeling defeated and blue.

Well apparently one night I was not doing a great job of hiding this and it showed. A sweet lady came through my line at work. I noticed her because she was wearing a hat like Crocodile Dundee and I was almost sure she had a knife in her belt ready to skin a gator. I know I shouldn't have judged her, but I meant no harm...oh and we get ALL kinds at work.

As I was ringing her up she said I look tired. Which I think is a polite way of saying, " You look like crap, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. " Anyways, I explained that I hadn't been sleeping well and that I had just finished up school. She said I should try some lavender on my pillow and that would help me. I politely told her I would try it.

I thought she was sweet for suggesting it to me and really thought I should try it. Well about a half hour later she came back through my line again. As she approached me she had the hugest smile on her face:) She then handed me a small bottle and told me "Merry Christmas!"

It was a bottle from Bath and Body Works....Sleep spray...Lavender Chamomile. I asked her her name. She replied, "Gail Springer." I of course started to cry and gave her a huge hug!!!

I am grateful for small selfless things like this that put me in the Christmas spirit! I am thankful for the kindness of strangers!

I hope Gail had a wonderful Christmas, because she sure made mine!

Best Buds

2011-01-03T22:52:00.003-07:00

For Christmas this year we gave my dad tickets to a Jazz game. The only exception is that he had to take Camden! HA ha!!

Well I don't know about my dad, but Camden has been so excited!!! Camden planned his outfit out last night and could hardly sleep.

We meet my dad at the mall because my mom wanted to exchange a shirt I had bought her for Christmas. So my dad took Cam, and Jaycee and I hung out with my mom. I do sometimes dread hanging out with my mom. She can be critical of a lot of things, and she is not very supportive of my living situation...which complicates a lot of things in my life. But tonight was different??? She was very sweet and grateful I was willing to help her exchange her shirt. She even bought me and Jaycee dinner....mmmmm California Pizza Kitchen!!!

It was on the way home that it felt the weirdest, but in a good way. My mom complimented me and said I am doing a GREAT job with my kids and that she is proud of me. (Whoa!!! OK that has like NEVER happened.) She said she know I have a lot on my plate, but that I am doing well with what I have.

I am still in awe that this convo took place!

I love my mom, but we have never seen eye to eye. She tries to control a lot of things that aren't hers to control. She can never let the past go and that makes it hard. I hope my mom and I can strive to get along more and have more nights like this. :)

Well Camden had a BLAST!!! He loves #8 because he always score the points. Ha ha! And the gave him a giant Jazz flag...which I am not sure where we will put it. He is so excited to tell all his friends about it. My dad and Cam are for sure best buds.

BIG D

2011-01-02T22:03:00.003-07:00

I feel like the moons are aligned wrong, or there is something in the water.

A LOT of people I know are going through divorces right now. Some are separated and considering it, or they are going through it.

I felt for a long time that I was the only one divorced...5 years now...yuck!

I am here to tell you that sometimes divorce is necessary, but other times it seems more convenient than anything. I remember a couple years ago I was sitting at the salon and the lady that was doing my nails introduced me another female customer who was going through a divorce. As her and I were talking, the conversation turned to " why are you divorced? " I explained the whole affair/pregnancy details of my divorce. ( I usually say more than I should, or more than they care to hear) She then explained that the reason she was getting a divorce was because her husband never made dinner for her. Seriously????? They had kids and everything!!! I felt so weir talking to her. I think I wanted to smack her! Is it too convenient now? Is it necessary??

I hate that I am divorced, but believe me I do not want to be married to my ex! I hate that I automatically have baggage! I feel judged and looked down upon....like I have failed or something?

If you are considering the big D...think long and hard. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Divorce does not solve your marital problems....sometimes they are worse after.

I hate to even talk about this, but I just feel so sad that so many friends are going through this :(

Finals week = HELL week

2010-12-13T21:21:00.002-07:00

Pardon my language, but that is exactly how I feel!

Three down and one more to go. The math one is the biggie for my...and to be honest I am not sure I can pass the class. I was feeling really badly about this:( I talked to several of my friends about it and ALL of them told me they had to take more than one class again, and occasionally a third time. This made me feel A LOT better. I took on more this semester than I should have....and believe me I learned my lesson!

I am not wonder woman. I really wish I was:) Then I could take care of the kiddos, get the laundry done, clean, homework, work, and fight crime! Where is my whip?

I am feeling better though. I have been exercising a little bit, reading my scriptures, and praying extra hard! I feel the blackness leaving:)

Thank you to all my wonderful friends that have offered advice and helped me.

Lots of LOVE

Melissa

Denny the ELF

2010-12-03T09:56:00.003-07:00

So I was out with my friend Allie at the mall and she introduced me to the "Elf on the Shelf" book. It has a kinda creepy elf that sits on your shelf and flies home to Santa to report if you've been good or not. He comes back everyday and sits in a new place to watch you. You cannot touch him or he leaves, but you can talk to him.

I went home that day and talked to Sue about it and she said it is a tradition from Denmark and that she had heard of it, but didn't know there was a book. Well, the next day Sue had bought the book. She wrapped it and placed it on the doorstep, then the kids discovered it!!!

They were so excited!!!! There is a cute website where you can go and register and name your elf. We named our elf Denny...because he comes from Denmark.

The kids have had so much fun searching for Denny every morning. I even caught Jaycee reading him a story from a Christmas book...it was so sweet! I LOVE that all my kids still believe in Santa. I do think Bryn is on the fence though.

Charcoal Gray Monday

2010-11-29T22:29:00.002-07:00

OK things are a little better today....not really, but I am trying.

I didn't work out today because I am SICK! Dang kiddos giving me their cooties!!:)
So I don't really feel to bad about that, because it wasn't due to a lack of motivation (pure laziness)

I have eaten a little better today

I cannot find my scriptures, so I get a pass until I do

I told people I LOVE them today

I have tried to do my online homework today, but the website is down....so I think that counts:)

I have prayed very HARD today

I spent a little time with each of my kids (I am really going to have to work at this one)

The taking care of me is going to take time....but it is something I am conscientiously thinking about

We didn't do family prayer...oops

I didn't have anyone to forgive today

Hey, at least I am trying

Black Sunday

2010-11-28T22:18:00.002-07:00

I really mean black Sunday...not black Friday. Here is why....

Jaycee has been sick since about Wednesday, then on Friday Camden started not feeling well. Then last night Bryn and I started with the boogie nose and cough.

I feel like every Sunday someone or something makes it very hard for me to get to church. I LOVE church!!! My week goes so much better if I go and feel the spirit.

So here is what happened today. First off I had done a load of laundry last night and had asked Bryn to put it in the dryer for me this morning. I then went up stairs to switch out the load and there was BLACK crayon ALL over everything!!! I started to cry...I had no idea how it got in there, no idea why there was even a crayon that wasn't in the crayon box, why this happened to me, and why I EVEN TRY!!!

I feel like lately that everything is black. My life seems pointless, I don't fit in in my new ward, I am failing as a mother, father, daughter, friend, student,and sister.

I remember being in 9Th grade seminary and winning a medal for best future mom. ( I actually think I still have the medal) I wanted to be a stay at home mom who ran my kids to piano lesson, dance lessons, sports and church activities. I would have cookies hot from the oven when they got home from school, and a husband who couldn't wait to get home to see me. OK OK this seems a little Florence Henderson, but that is what I had always pictured. Well my crappy life couldn't be farther from this. It really does BUM me out:(

Well and to top it off I have put back on some of the weight I worked so hard to loose...I was down 30 lbs from December 2010. I have pit back on about 8...which leaves me at 143...I wanna be 135 again.

Here is my plan to get me where I want to be spiritually, mentally and physically...

1. Exercise a minimum of 45 min per day

2. Pray more

3. Study harder

4. Spend individual time with my kids (not sure how to accomplish this yet)

5. Forgive better

6. Take better care of me

7. Read Scriptures

8. Family Prayer

9. Eat better

10. Tell everyone I love how much I love them

I am hoping this is at least a start to making 2011 a better year.

Snowbird

2010-11-15T21:09:00.005-07:00

This September the Taggs let me and my kids use their timeshare at Snowbird. Well Snowbird is gotta be one of my FAVORITE places ever!!!! I love the mountains and that I live less than 10 miles from Snowbird!! We had so much fun! The kids were troopers and went from the time the rides opened until they closed. We went on Thursday night and played all day Friday...there were NO lines!!!

The highlight of the trip was Jaycee! The first thing she wanted to do was ride the mechanical bull. WEIRD!!! But that's Jayce:) She got on and it went to one side, then the other and then flew forward! Jaycee did a front flip off and I pretty sure the girl that was controlling the ride peed her pants! I almost did! We seriously laughed for 10min. We still tease her about it! I hope to make this a yearly trip for us!

Thanks Ray and Sue for letting us use it! We LOVE ya!

Skinny Jean Code

2010-10-04T10:41:00.002-06:00

Did you know there was a "skinny jean code"? I didn't either until this morning.

My beautiful girls are all about the skinny jeans...OK I admit I have a couple pairs:)

Well as they were getting dressed this morning Jaycee asked Bryn if she knew about the "code"? Bryn looked at her like she was crazy! I piped in and said I didn't know about the "code".

Jaycee said, "The skinny jean code is that boys like it when girls wear skinny jeans, because their bums look good in them."

Bryn then said, " I'm wearing skinny jeans today!!!"

I actually thought in my head maybe I needed to wear them too!!! LOL

Love that silly girl Jaycee!

Sweetest boy

2010-09-24T22:45:00.002-06:00

OK so usually I have Camden Crackups to post or I am complaining that he is driving me crazy, but this morning he did something so incredibly sweet I had to post it.

I was making my kids eggs for breakfast. We all like them fried so we can dip toast in the yoke. Well I has made the eggs and Jaycees yoke had broke, so I told her that I would eat it and she could have mine. Camden had just walked away from the stove with his eggs when he turned back around and handed me his plate and said " You always have to eat the broken ones, so have mine and I'll eat the broken one." I of course stared to cry and gave him a million kisses. I LOVE him so much and hope he will always treat me this way.

I may complain a lot about him, but today I think I'll keep him:)

What have I lost?

2010-09-01T11:09:00.002-06:00

This was a question that was presented this past Sunday by a Mr. Chris William. He came a spoke in my new ward for the combined 5Th Sunday. He was so inspiring and wonderful, I cried the entire hour....tears of joy, and forgiveness.

But before I get into that I wanted to explain my new ward. I have moved to the East side (Sandy), and to us born and raised west siders I am now snobby!!! Just kidding...well I have encountered a few snobs, but oh well. I have been really anxious to go to this ward because I am surrounded by wealth, not spiritual, but monetary. There is nothing wrong with that, I just feel like a single mommy on welfare cannot compete. I am going to get over that though. I have been accepted with open arms and have felt very welcome.

OK back to Sunday. Sue called her dear friends the Daniels and asked them to make me and my kids feel welcome. Ray and Sue don't go to church, but they are the most Christ like people I have ever met and I am so blessed they are in my life. Sister Daniels told us where she would be sitting and invited us to join her. Well I was running a few minutes late and we just sat in the back. As soon as Sacrament was over her and her sweet husband hurried over to us and she took the kids (she is the Primary Pres.) and Brother Daniels directed me to Sunday School. I of course stood out as I walked in and the teacher asked me to introduce myself.....I was mortified!!! I hate that! At the end of the lesson Bro Daniels said the nicest things about the Taggarts and asked the ward to please make me feel welcome. He is sooooo sweet, and yeah I cried again! Then there was a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting. The bishop then stood up and asked me to introduce myself to the ward.....I was beyond mortified at this point and stood out like a sore thumb!!!! Then Chris spoke to us.

In Feb 2007 he was driving with his family when they were struck by a drunk driver who was 17 years old. His wife, unborn child, daughter, and son died immediately. One of his sons survived the crash and another was at a friends house. He was a bishop at the time. I cannot imagine a loss so great. He spoke of forgiveness and love. His Mormon message can be seen here.

After watching that he asked " What have I lost?" his answer was NOTHING. That because of the atonement he still has his family that he lost. WOW! So powerful. I think about the things I complain about and i have really lost nothing! He talked about grieving, that there is good grief and bad grief. Satan is behind the bad grief. I so need to remember that. If i had to pick a day to start a new ward, I am sooo thankful/grateful I picked this Sunday. I don't think it was by accident either.

Change

2010-08-26T23:01:00.002-06:00

Well I moved. OK not officially yet, but hopefully by the end of the month. This has been a super hard decision for me. There is a lot involved....some people are mad, others are grateful and me, well I am somewhere in the middle.

One thing that A LOT of people do not understand is that sometimes we are put in places or decision that are not entirely our choice. Sometimes choices people make affect others....and there is nothing that the person it affected can do about it. I am one of those people. The move is a culmination of a lot of other peoples decisions that affected me. The best choice for me was to move. It was not what I wanted, but I am grateful I had a place to go.

I need to thank the Taggarts for ALWAYS being there for me. I could not ask for a better family that technically isn't my family. They have been here for me for the past 11+ years. Thank GOD I have them!

To my ward family (6Th ward) I am going to miss you all so much! I love all of you! I loved my calling, my kids teachers, and the bishopric! Please keep in touch and know that I would not be where I am today without all of you!

This week has been especially hard. The girls started a new school, I started school, and I had court with the EX. Court was so hard for me. You look at someone, who at one time you thought was your everything, and then you realize what he has become and you are confused at how you could ever have loved that person. I honestly cannot believe he is the father of my 3 kids. He has made some bad choices and the outcome of court this week was not what I wanted, I actually thought the judge was harsh, but the decision was not mine.

Sometimes change can be a good thing and I am hoping this change turn out to be just that.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. I couldn't do this without you.

Burn Camp 2010

2010-08-13T23:29:00.003-06:00

I just got back from camp this week. This was my 9th year at camp Nah Nah Mah. I truly am blessed to be apart of this awesome organization. I hope to do it for many more years to come. The pics I post are only of me and no kids. We live in SMALL LAKE CITY and their stories are theirs to tell. I will post all the links to the news storys and the burn camp website.

Thank you to Brad, Ratch and Kristen who are the backbone of this organizion. To Mitch, Brandy, Janette, Leonard, Janet, Sam, and Matt you are truly some of my best friends and thank you for all your love.

The highlight at camp this year was that I fell and broke my knee cap! It SUCKS! I am no going to be able to run for a couple weeks, but hope ta make a few races in Sept.

If anyone is in need of volunteering and having a blast at the same time, look into this organizations. It is amazing!

I'm Alive!

2010-07-30T23:39:00.002-06:00

Wow its been too long since I last blogged! The kiddos and I are doing fabulous! The last few months have not been the best, but as always I pull through and am stronger for all the trials that come my way.

I am going to post about Gorgoza Park in Park City. I took the kids while they were off track in January. Bryn's friend Lexi came with us and it was so much fun! It is right off the Jeremy Ranch exit, and is easily seen from the road. The kids had so much fun! Bryn and Lexi were able to go on all the tube runs, but Jaycee and Cam could only do the smaller ones and the cute kid park thing they had. It was a little pricey, but honestly worth it. Here it is July...OK August and my kids are asking when we can go again.

AWE!

2010-02-24T21:57:00.002-07:00

Here is the link to our photographers website again http://www.shamelessphotography.net/

She said some of the nicest things about me and my kids.

I will be using her again in the future:)

Dear Jaycee

2010-02-13T22:06:00.002-07:00

Dear Jaycee,

You turned 7 last week...7!!!! I cannot believe you are that old! I love you more than you'll ever know. I am so thankful for you and your sweet sweet spirit. You are so mellow compared to Bryn and Cam right now.

I am so sorry that you have been so sick lately. You definitely got my grace...well lack of grace. :) You are my personality twin, I know what you are thinking before you think it.

Thank you for giving me your awesome hugs and kisses everyday!! They make my day everyday! You are getting so tall and pretty, your big blue eyes seem to give you away when you try to lie or have a secret.

I am so proud of all your accomplishments in school, and cannot wait to see how you do in softball.

Always know mommy loves you!

Love,

MOM

Camden Crack-ups

2010-02-13T22:01:00.002-07:00

Camden: Mom, guess what?

Mom: What Cam?

Camden: I gotta big one in my pants

Mom: (mind went straight to the gutter) You have a what?

Camden: I have a big one in my pants

Mom: You have a big what????

Camden: Farts very loudly while running away laughing

I was very very very glad that he had a big fart in his pants and not what my mind was thinking! He is very much a little boy! LOL

Hello again

2010-02-03T21:42:00.004-07:00

It doesn't help that one of my New Years resolutions was to blog more...oops:)

Well January has been a very interesting month! My poor Jaycee has battled more UTI and kidney infections, staples in her head, and her daily clumsiness. I sometimes wonder about my little sweetie...she seems to be so accident prone.

On Sunday she missed a chair at the Taggarts and cracked her little head open. It required 1 staple, but the worst was when they said they were going to staple it and she FREAKED, scratched the crap out of my face, and required 4 people to hold her down!! Yep, it was AWESOME!

Then today she was combing her hair and pulled part of the staple out. So we headed to the DR again (5th time in a little over 30days)and they removed it. Her scar will be worse, but I didn't care because it was on the back of her head.

I have decided to not do the testing on her right now to determine why she keeps getting UTI and kidney infections. She needs a break and SO DO I! If she gets another one I will for sure do the tests, but she is pretty afraid of the Dr right now and I don't want that to continue.

More post to come from the rest of Jan...we had a lot of fun!

Christmas

2010-01-14T23:32:00.000-07:00

I forgot to take any pictures on Christmas. It could have been the 15 hours of sleep that I had had in 5 days, or the fact that I was an absolute grump! I hate that I didn't enjoy this Christmas like I have in the past. But I did have a couple if people that did make my Christmas amazing!!

I have 2 friends that mean a lot to me.... I haven't always liked one of them, but it's ok because she didn't always like me either. :) These 2 are the most unselfish, loving, best people in the world. Last December Jaycee was going through some things that really affected our family, probably me the most because I blamed myself. When it was all said and done, she is fine and so am I. Phew!

These 2 friends helped me last year too...They showed up at my apt with a gift card, stuff to make an AWESOME dinner and treats for the kids. They helped me more that December than anyone else. I love them so much. I tried to thank them, and they told me to "pay it forward" when I could. They knew what it was like for a single mom (they had been raised by one) and they just wanted to help. I honestly don't know if I have ever met more caring people...they expect nothing in return.

Well this November one of them text me and asked if they could be secret Santa’s to my kids. I was shocked! They had already done so much. I then felt guilty that I was such a burden on my friends, but then quickly realized that this was a blessing.

I was expecting a large amount of money from my ex. I got a small portion, but only about 1/5 of what it should have been. I hoped that I would be able to find another way to do Christmas. I was upset that my kid’s dad has never bought them a Christmas present, and that he never would help me out. I knew I could do some, but it wouldn't be a lot. Then that text came and I knew it was an answer to my prayers.

A couple weeks before Christmas my friends stopped by with the gifts. HOLY CRAP there was a lot!!! More than we deserved and more than I expected!!! My kids were thrilled! I was so humbled by their unconditional love for us, and I know times are hard for everyone...but they went overboard!

I am so thankful for these friends. I love them and promise that someday I will "pay it forward".

Here is a portion of the email that they sent me. Thank you again!

We are so glad we CAN do this for you! ____ and I do sub for santa every year and this year we decided we wanted to help out someone we knew. _____ and I know how hard it is for a single mom expecially these days. Just know that it makes us feel good to be able to help out! I know exactly which dolls you are talking about for the girls so we will pick up some things. And we will definitely get the boots. Doug wants to know if you have a Christmas tree because he would love to get you guys a real one this year.

If you can think of anyting else just let me know, otherwise I will just pick up a few extras - and don't you worry about us not having to do this - we want to do this!

Contest

2010-01-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

I entered this contest! I get entered twice if I blog about it! So I did because I really want to win!!

Not the best

2010-01-03T17:47:00.002-07:00

This year has not been the best for little Jaycee. In the summer she had some test done because she had acid reflux, and it came back that she had an infection in her intestines in addition to a few other things.

Well Tues 12/22 the school called to say that she was in the office with a fever...so I quickly went and picked her up and headed straight to the doctor. I didn't want to be messing around with any kind of sickness with Christmas only a few days away.

She was tested for strep and a UTI...and they both were positive. The doctor said her UTI was really bad and that that is what was causing her 103 degree temp. She wrote us a prescription and we headed home.

It had snowed all day and traffic was a nightmare. It took me 2 hours to fill her prescriptions and drive home...YUCK! To say the least I was FRAZZLED! I made dinner, bathed Jaycee, gave her meds and headed to bed myself.

Jaycee had fallen asleep in the family room and I just couldn't see the sense in moving her...she looked so peaceful. I got in the shower and went downstairs to check on her one more time, she had peed through about 6-8 blankets that she was laying on, so I woke her up, started the washer and put her in the tub. When I got her all ready for bed again I put her in bed with me.

Well about 25-45 minutes later I had dosed off and was woken up by Jaycee throwing up on me and everything in my room. It was pretty gross and looked like something you would see in a movie!! So so so so GROSS!

So I got her bathed and ready for bed again, started the washer again and put her in her bed. She drifted off to sleep...Me I folded laundry and started the washer again.

About an hour later Jaycee had had another accident!!! UGH! I then moved Bryn to Camden’s bed and put her in Bryn’s bed...yeah she threw up in Bryn’s bed!!! I seriously in all my days as a mother have never had a night like this!!! Pure HELL!

Needless to say this continued throughout the night...I did make a call to the afterhours Doctor on call ( who happened to be our Pediatrician )advised me to bath her again to get her fever down, but he did want to see her in the morning.

So Wednesday morning we headed to the Doctor again...her fever was 104 and she was extremely dehydrated. They tried 3 times to get an IV in her, she screamed!!! I had to hold her down all 3 times :( Poor Camden could not handle all the trama in the room and I saw him screaming into his coat :( I felt so bad for him; he just didn't know how to help his sissy.

They Dr put antibiotics in her IV and said if she did not show improvement by that night he wanted us to go to Primary's. He left the IV in because he wanted to see her Thursday morning and possibly give her more fluids, and just in case she did need to go to Primary's.

In true Melissa bad luck...we ended up at Primary's. Her fever was 105 by the time we got there and they admitted her right away. My sweet sweet dad drove up to give her a grandfathers blessing.
She made me lay in the bed with her and since she was fevering and so hot, all I did was sweat all night. Every time I tried to move she woke up. At this point I hadn't slept in 2 days. I was exhausted!! Bryn and Camden were at the Taggarts, and I was so thankful that I didn't have to worry about them.

Jaycee was released Thursday evening and we headed straight to the Taggarts so Jaycee could get her PJ's from Santa. She was so surprised to know that Santa had known she had just come from the hospital. I do not even remember being at the Taggarts because I had NO sleep. We quickly headed home so the kids could get to bed...Oh but my little Camden could not fall asleep!! I kept telling him that he would miss Santa...no such luck! He really was trying though, so I wasn't mad.

I still had presents to wrap, but couldn't get them done till he was asleep. He fell asleep shortly after 1am and I got to bed about 3am. Camden woke me up at 7am....Only 4 hrs of sleep. I survived the day, but I was miserable. I was an absolute grump!! I feel badly about it now, but I couldn’t help it. I hope my kids don't remember me being that grumpy:(

Overall Christmas was great and I will post more this next week! :)

Pictures continued...

2009-12-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of my favorite! I will post more later because I am at Primary's with my little princess Jaycee.

Pictures

2009-12-11T08:08:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday in 26 degree weather we had some pictures taken. Tracy and her sister Lore were amazing! Here is a sneak peek she made for me....I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE PICS!

Thank you Tracy and Lore!

http://www.shamelessphotography.net/

The Shack

2009-11-23T18:39:00.000-07:00

Last week I read a book that came highly recommended from my friend Lisa. She described to me a book that had made her think a lot about religion. Lisa and I have had a few discussions about religion, I try and defend my LDS beliefs, while she believes in God but not organized religion. I love Lisa dearly and we always end up agreeing to disagree:)

The book is called The Shack. It did not look very appealing to me at first. But we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. ( something the book made me think a lot about )

The little girl that dies in this book is named Melissa Anne. I am Melissa Ann. ( I always wished I had an ( e ) at the end of my Ann...it's sort of a Anne of Green Gables thing. ) I do not think that this was a coincidence. I payed mare attention to this book because of her name. A lot of this book reached to the deepest part of me and made me study myself form the inside out.

Religion to me is something that can never be taken away from you. You can lose your home, job, sight and even family. But in religion all of those exist. Religion can be your home, job, make you see things, and I know that because of my religion that families are forever.

The biggest thought this book brought to the surface was JUDGEMENT. I judge people, we all do. But I catch myself retracting a lot of those judgements now. In this book it says that when we judge...we are judging God. This is so true! We are commanded not to judge. This book talks a lot about forgiveness. I need to work on this A LOT. Especially when it comes to my ex husband!! I truly want him to rot in hell for what he has done to his kids. But he can be forgiven...but can I forgive him? I'll work on it.

So Thankful

2009-11-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

In church today someone commented on this video. I loved it and had to post it. Si here is what I am thankful for....

Kids

I have truly amazing children. Heavenly Father knew who I needed. Bryn is the biggest helper ever! She is so sweet to me. She makes sure I am taken care of all the time. I have said it before and it is still so true....EVERYONE NEEDS A BRYNLEE!

Jaycee is a mysterious soul to me. She almost has the spirit of an older woman. She has a sweetness and innocence about her that is hard to place. She does not care what anyone thinks about her and she is true to her family.

Camden is a boy! ALL BOY! My mom reminds me of that often. I think with him that he is here to be my protector. He is am amazing boy and is so smart. Love my man!

Parents

I would be nothing without them. they truly are the best parents! They are so good to me and my kids. I am blessed to be their daughter. My kids admire them so much! I do not always get along with my mother, but know that she would do anything for me and my kids.

Ward

I have the best ward! I would not have never returned to Church had it not been for my ward. there are no words to describe how much I love them.

School

I actually have a love/hate relationship with this. I love that I am actually able to go to school. I am looking forward to being a nurse someday. It is my calling in life! I can't wait!!.

I have so much to be thankful for! I will have to post more later:)

A bird in hand....

2009-11-17T20:02:00.000-07:00

I remember in our basement growing up that on our bookshelves we had a plaque that one of my Dads brothers had given him that said: A bird in hand is better than 2 overhead.
Yes it is a cheaper imitation of the Old English Proverb: A bird in hand is better than 2 in the bush.

Well on Friday we were at Murray Park playing and watching the ducks in the stream there. All of the sudden Bryn is FREAKING OUT! She keeps saying that there is something in her hair...I kept looking and I couldn't see anything. But then I spotted it....a little bird in the tree above her had done his business and it landed in her hair.

Bryn is such a good sport about it even when her sister yelled it in front of all of her friends!!

I laughed pretty hard and hope she will always remember it as something very funny!!

Camden Crack Ups

2009-11-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

My little Cam man is the funniest kid I know! I can get so frustrated with him and he can make me laugh and forget why I was even mad. This are some of his latest antics...

Mom: Camden if you don't get your room cleaned up I'm going to take you out!!!!!

Camden stares at me for several seconds....

Camden: Like to lunch?

Mom: Camden I am going to flip if you don't quit teasing your sister!!!

Camden: A front one or a back one?

He is so funny, and I can never stay too mad at him:)

Principles Showcase

2009-10-26T19:16:00.000-06:00

About a 3 weeks ago when I was picking up Jaycee form school she came running FAST to the car. Jaycee never runs, she is my lally gagger and works at her own pace on everything. She said she had something to show me. I was in a hurry as usual and asked her what it was. She had a grin from ear to ear and was begging me to come with her. Well Jaycee has these BIG beautiful blue eyes that allows her to get almost anything she wants.

So I reluctantly followed her back into the school, all the way to the back and she showed me a large bulletin board entitled "PRINCIPLEs SHOWCASE." In the bottom left corner was a paper Jaycee had drawn! She was soo flippin' excited!! It was the cutest thing.

I asked the ladies in the office exactly what the Principles Showcase was. They explained that every class displays artwork outside their classroom, and as the principle walks by the classrooms he picks the best art work. Then after they are displayed he calls the kids to the office and gives them a pencil, and congratulates them on their job well done.

My favorite part about Jaycees work is the spelling on the different fruits and vegetables. She is adorable!!

Congrats to my aspiring artist Jaycee!

Jaycee and Mommy's night out

2009-10-20T19:31:00.000-06:00

Little late posting this! OOOPs

When Jaycee was going through her testing I decided the night before her endoscopy that I would take her out to do something fun. She needed the distraction and I rarely get to spend time with her alone. Oh ok! It was me who needed the distraction too!:)

We decided to invite Payton and Lori to go with us and make it a girls night out. We went to this little restaurant in Orem called 12th and 7 pizza. I love it!! Then we took the girls to Build a Bear and let the girls make bears. Jaycee made a cute bear with leaves on it that she named FALL. It is cute and she dressed it like The Little Mermaid.

The distraction helped and she took FALL back to surgery with her. The pics of her coming out of surgery make me sad:( She was very brave and I love my little Caiters!!

gloves

2009-10-20T19:20:00.000-06:00

I bought my kids all coats this weekend because they are on sale and Old Navy has graciously upped our discount for 2 weeks. I found Camden these gloves that match his coat at Gap (I also get a GREAT discount there) They have finger holes with the ends cut out and the a mitten that cover them.

I bought them on Friday and he hasn't taken them off since. I even caught him trying to get in the tub with them. He has also slept in them every night!!! So I snapped a pick!

He is such a weird little cutie!!

What a Weekend

2009-10-20T18:41:00.000-06:00

This past weekend we did a lot of fun things! Oh and it has been a while since I have blogged anything.

Allie invited us to go to Hee Haw Farms with her, her kids and Brandee. It was a blast! My kids had a lot of fun and have talked about wanting to go back everyday! We did a corn maze, train ride, hay rides and lots of way cute fun stuff. I am really thinking about going back in the next couple of weeks.

Then on Saturday I got organized! I know that that might not seem like a lot of fun, but to me it is fun! It is something thing that has been driving me crazy since we moved here! (8 months) I love the feeling after you're organized!

On Sunday I went to church. Well I trued to but apparently it was stake conference and I was not aware:) You get points for trying though...right? Then I took dinner out to my parents and Camden was crying because his mouth hurt. I looked in his mouth and found about 5 cancers and some weird dots in his mouth. So I took him to his Doctor and he has hand, foot and mouth! OH and he actually has about 10 cancers!!!! The poor little guy has not been able to eat for about 3 days:( he will only eat Popsicles. I feel so bad for him. But I am glad that we were able to do something fun before he got sick!

Thanks for inviting us Allie!

So frustrated....

2009-10-02T21:31:00.000-06:00

So a few years ago I loaned someone Camden's preemie clothes with the only condition being that I wanted them back. This person promised me that they would return them. The majority of these items were from Gymboree because I worked there. These were the clothes that I had picked to save for Camden. Which in hind sight I never should have loaned them out!:(

The problem is that this person lied to me for 2 1/2 years that they had them and would store them for me because I have had a storage unit until recently. But I have asked for them 10,000 times and they have always had an excuse. But now my heart is broken and I am so freakin mad! But really what can they do to make up for it? How mad should I be? How much of this is my fault? But now I have zero, none, zilch clothes for my special little guy! I have been crying all night.

Hopefully I will be over it soon:(

First Day

2009-09-02T17:14:00.000-06:00

This past month or so all of my kids started school. Brynlee started 4th grade, Jaycee 1st and Camden started preschool today. My favorite part about this time if year is the school shopping!!! I hate how much it all costs, but love my fashion conscientious girls!!

Bryn has totally wants to be super trendy, but I refuse to let her have fluorescent hi-tops with paint splatters...reminds me of the ones I used to have when I was her age, but think SOMETHINGS should never come back in style(especially the 80's). Bryn for sure has her own style, and is really getting into accessories. She is my future fashionista!!

Jaycee is very easy to please! She loves anything I bring home, well as long as it is usually pink or sparkly....or sometimes both! She looks adorable in anything!

Camden has all the sudden gotten weird about what he wears. He wants to know if he looks good and If I think he is handsome! He is HANDSOME and such a sweetie!!

Here are some pics of my future fashionistas!!

HIM

2009-08-31T23:13:00.000-06:00

I saw HIM tonight.
It was very unexpected, very scary.
The truth is that I still love HIM.
Not the way you might think.
HE made me feel very beautiful, special and worthy of someone like HIM when we were together.

HE is getting married.
I am so happy for HIM.
HIM and I are not meant to be, I called it off twice.
Yet there was that twinge/pang in my heart when HE told me.
We talked like no time had passed at all....oh how I love that about us.

I hope she knows she is lucky to have HIM.
If I didn't have 3 beautiful kids it would be me HE would be marrying....
thus why I called it off.
But I know we are not meant to be, so all I can be is happy for HIM, and thankful for all he taught me.

HE was proud of me for sticking in school.
HE is the reason I am still in school.
HE is so happy she is no longer in my life...even though it's been very hard for me.
I want to thank HIM for being in my life, and for all he has done for me.

I wonder if I ever cross his mind?

The results are in

2009-08-31T11:12:00.000-06:00

Jaycees GI doctor (who I LOVE btw) called 6 minutes earlier than she told me she would...Dang I love her promptness. She said that Jaycee has an infection in her small intestines that has been there for a long time (possibly years). She also has gastrointestinitis (not sure about the spelling). These are treatable by meds, and Jaycee should feel a lot better within a week.

In reading a lot about celiac disease and the benefits from not having gluten in our diets, I am strongly considering going gluten free.

Gluten has been linked to autism, ADHD, and several other diseases. There are no reason we need gluten, and many diets are gluten free. I think I will try it and see if there is any improvement in Jaycee. And possibly I can get the last 15 lbs off!!!

anxiety

2009-08-30T20:42:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow I will find out what has been making Jaycee so ill. I am so anxious! It could be a million things. Everyone I talk to about it has had the same thing happen to them or someone they know...and every time they tell me about it, I get more anxious!

So to curb my anxiety I broke the Sabbath and went to Walmart to get some red velvet cake...it's my fav and they always have pieces you can buy! Well to my surprise they had a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting and red velvet crumbs on top. Yahoo! Red velvet and cream cheese....now we are talking! It made me feel better:)

I would just like to thank everyone who has left messages or brought her stuff to make her feel better...it reminds me that even though I am single, I am not alone:)

Love you all!

IV

2009-08-28T23:03:00.000-06:00

Today Jaycee told me she stood up in front of her class and told them all about her "fluency shot!"

I could only imagine she was talking about her "flu" shot she got last year. She proceeded to explain her story when I realized she was talking about the 2 IVs she got when they did her endoscopy on Tuesday!!!

I am sure she made her teachers day:)

She sure made mine!

Like a fire

2009-08-28T22:57:00.000-06:00

I have recently again struggled with my testimony. To be honest I sometimes (more often than not) feel forgotten. I hate being single, although marriage does not always sound better! Raising children is not something I have ever wanted to do alone.

I feel guilt that I am not a good enough mom, that what their dad has done to them will screw them up anyway....so why try?

But then in my heart I know that HE is there. That HE loves me and that with HIM I can do it. I know it is not going to be easy....but with HIM by my side, I CAN!

I hope I have more CAN days in the future!

Sick

2009-08-28T22:46:00.000-06:00

I have been sick now for a week! I went to the doctor on Wednesday, after I sat in my first class of the new fall semester, coughing and receiving dirty looks from fellow students and the professor.

I have bronchitis and was put on a z-pack, cough medicine and an inhaler. But I have been on them for 3+ days and still feel crappy!!!

I want to breath again....inhale, exhale and not have boogers fly out of my nose!!!

feeling

2009-08-25T07:50:00.000-06:00

Jaycee was just taken back to the procedure room. She will have biopsies of her esophagus, stomach and small intestine. I think that the saying goodbye to her as she walked back through the double doors SUCKS! I hate that feeling!

She is far braver than I am. The cute nurses ruined her first IV and they had to give her another...I wasn't happy, but she did not even whimper!

I love Jaycee more than I can express in words. She is my personality twin. She looks exactly like her dad, but everything under the skin in 100% me! I think that is why we clash sometimes. We are both independent, stubborn, but lovers.

I hope she will be ok, and the Dr will come back and say that magically she is cured. But I know that no such miracles exist for her. I am hoping it is just celiac. I know that even that will be hard for me given my current situation, but anything worse I am not prepared for.....

I hope all will be well.

Beyond that point

2009-08-24T15:02:00.000-06:00

Everyone talks about getting to "that" point. Well I have reached it and beyond!!! I screamed at my kids the other day because they had 4 hours to clean their rooms and the ignored me like a didn't exist! Needless to say...I have a sore throat! (guess that's what I get)

I have since taken away both girls littlest pet shop and CD players....

They did clean their room at that point, and they will have to earn them back!

Jaycee is going into have an endoscopy tomorrow and I am freaking out!

Oh and I start school on Wednesday and haven't got half of the in between semester chores done!

I am OVERWHELMED!

Burn Camp 2009

2009-08-13T21:10:00.000-06:00

This is my 8th year at this camp. If you are one of the 2 people that read my blog then you know about my nephew Alex that was burned 11 years ago. So, this camp has a very very special place in my heart.

I went to the U at 9am for our staff training. In the past this is something that I dread because I have been a counselor for so long it's very repetitive for me. But this year it went by fast, and I was actually impressed with how smoothly it went. Brad, Ratch and Kristin are the directors of the camp and have the biggest hearts of anyone I know.

At about 3pm we headed up to the camp. The Boys Scouts are very generous and let us use Camp Tracy in Millcreek canyon for free. And I would like to personally thank them, they always are very good to us while we are there. We set up camp and the campers started showing up at about 5pm.

I had 2 campers this year and am not allowed to give names or their stories, for they are their stories to tell. But I enjoyed both girls very much, and miss them a lot. Every camper has a story and each is unique and very personal to me. I love these campers so much and they give me WAY more than I give them. This camp is a healing place for all of us.

Some things this year that I did and am way proud of are: Climbing the rock wall all the way to the top, participating in the skits, and not being terrified of the smelly canoe water.

Somethings I didn't like are: my camper taking pictures of me when I was not dressed, the magic show that comes every year needs to get some new tricks, no square dancing (i seriously love it!), and some small drama between me and another counselor.

I felt very much more involved in this camp than I have in the past. I am in a good place right now, and the future is looking bright.

Someone said this year that camp is more like family and I would have to agree. I have made so many friends that I have made there that the friendships and true and will last forever.

To the camp directors Brad, Ratch and Kristin....Thank you for letting me be a part of this. I am honored that you want me involved, and thank you for being such wonderful people and amazing examples to me. I am proud to call you my friends!!

To my friends...Brandy, Janette and Mitch (and all other counselors) I love you and thank you for your friendships. I enjoy seeing and spending camp with you. Thank you for your love!

I can't wait to do it again next year!

I can't post pics of the kids, but will have the link for the pics soon!

Friends Forever

2009-07-30T20:04:00.000-06:00

Since January some of my oldest friends (Allie, ShaRee, Tara, Melanie, Tracy and myself) have been getting together once a month to go to dinner. In the 7 months we have had this year we have only not gone once. I am so proud of all of us for continuing to do this. It has really meant a lot to me. Since I do not have a husband/boyfriend this has been an amazing thing for me.

I met Tracy at church just days before 6th grade started. I had just moved to South Jordan and had no friends, so meeting her made this transition easier for me. We lived in the same neighborhood, just at different ends, and would walk to and from school together. Love ya Trace:)

I met Allie when I started 6th grade. Her and Tracy were already friends and I was immediately accepted into their click. Allie and I both love to run and it has made us hang out a lot more recently, and I hope to run some races with her soon.....that is if I can catch her! Allie is the girl that gives it to me straight, and is not afraid to hurt my feelings...and boy have I needed that. Thanks and love ya lots Al:)

Sharee and I met in middle school. I remember in 7th grade gym we took our spray deodorant and sprayed our arms until it left a burn...I still have the scar. Sharee and I have had many fun nights together. My fav is when we TP someone boys house and we were all running away when Tracy fell and got the wind knocked out of her...We drove off laughing so hard that we had to pull over and she peed on the side of the road:)

Tara I met in high school. She is when of the sweetest people I know. She gave me some good advice when I went through my divorce. And I love what she said to me...so I will keep that private:)

Melanie aka Melons and I met in middle school. Her and I have not been as close as the others because her family moved to Hawaii right after high school. She is very independent and I respect her greatly for that:)

I hope we all keep our promise and continue to do this every month. I love these girls so much! They have stuck by me through thick and thin, and love me no matter what choices I have made. I have other friends, but have never had any girls be so loyal to me. They will know what I mean by that! Thank you again girls...friends forever!!!!

Camping....kinda

2009-07-27T20:24:00.001-06:00

Lately my family and I have been going up American Fork canyon and camping for the day. We usually go up and have dinner. On the 24th we went up and had breakfast. My kids L.O.V.E. that they can get dirty.

We go to the Little Mill camp grounds, there is a rock that is shaped like a diamond...thus called "diamond rock." Here are a few pics and videos of us going down the rock. My sister Lori makes me laugh so hard when she goes down, and Camden has no fear!

I laugh so hard when my sis says that Cam has a coconut bum:)

My bum hurt for 3 days after doing this OW! Lori's scream is the best!!!!!

Loyalty

2009-07-24T22:03:00.000-06:00

In the dictionary LOYALTY has a definition of:

adherence to something to which one is bound by a pledge or duty

I think that a lot of people in this day and age need to understand what this means...that's all!

Melissa

Reese's Pieces?

2009-07-20T12:37:00.000-06:00

This weekend we bought Reese's Peanut Butter cups. Well Camden keeps asking me for one, (I think) but he keeps saying "penis reese's."

I keep correcting him, but he doesn't realize what he is saying??? I am confused?

But every time he says it I crack up!

Love that little man!:)

Everyone needs one!

2009-07-17T18:26:00.000-06:00

Everyone needs a Brynlee. If you have ever met my oldest daughter Bryn, you know what I am talking about! She is such a strong and amazing nine year old!!

Her birthday was Monday (July 13th) and I remember 9 years ago when I became a mommy for the first time. She was such a good baby! She slept through he night at 2 weeks and has put herself to bed every night since then at about 8:30. And I don't even have to ask her! She is smart, beautiful inside out, and love her family and Heavenly Father so much!

What I love most about Bryn is her sweet spirit that is an example to me. Not only does she help me out tremendously, and has since she was 4, she knows the truth about her dad and still loves him and forgives him. (something I am working on a lot lately) She is an amazing softball player! Loves her brother and sissy, and me so much! I do not think that a Mother has ever been so loved!

Brynlee, (I know you want to be called Bryn, but I love your full name) sorry

Happy Birthday! I hope your day was everything you wanted it to be! Thank you so much for all you do for mom, I couldn't do this with out you! I love you sooo much and love being your mommy.

You have grown up way too fast and that makes me sad (and old). But know I am proud of you everyday! You are my right arm and don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for being such and example to me.

Mom

So wise beyond her years

2009-07-12T22:24:00.000-06:00

Today Bryn asked me to mail a letter to her Dad. I being a little sneaky read it....Only because I wanted to make a copy to show the Judge when I take SD (sperm donor) back to court.

It read...

Dad I've had some hard times. My Birthday is tomorrow I'll turn 9 and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in an apartment town home I want to live in a house with my own room. And I want a dog a mini. huskey and money for my birthday OK or a toy like littlest pet shops or a D.S. game like Phieneiss and Ferb or a makup designer.

Love,

Bryn

Ok so we may need to work on her punctuation. But this absolutely breaks my heart. It has been 1 year since SD has seen his kids. And at this point I would rather him not.

Does anyone have any advice?

I finally did it

2009-06-08T10:40:00.000-06:00

As some of you know I have a had a lot of problems with my monthly visits from the blessed fairy that comes to visit once a month, and has done so since I was a pubescent teen. I loved her so much! (yeah right) She would visit me for about 9 days and then leave me anemic till her next visit. I have tried various forms of contraceptive with no luck of lessening her lengthy visits. Since I am single my doctor has never wanted to do anything permanent. But I was so anemic I was not functioning properly, and my poor kiddos were the ones taking the brunt of my feeling less than on top of my game.

So on my 30th birthday (June 2) I had an endometrial ablation. That is when the burn the inside of your uterus...thus making it so I do not shed the lining (because there is not one to shed) and no more bleeding.

I have struggled with this idea because I have always wanted more children. I always thought I would me married by now and have one or two with the love of my life. But my Heavenly Father has a different plan for me. One I am not sure I like, but I am at his mercy. He must be teaching me patience, or maybe all the good guys are gone. Who knows? I have more struggled because my friends are still having babies. Tiffany had one on my birthday, Tracy is due later this year and I know Allie will at least have one more. I feel so much older than my friends, even though we are all the same age, because I am in a different chapter in my life.

Well I had the surgery anyway, so there is no turning back now. I have had a few complications, and have felt like absolute crap. I hope I will be running again soon! I have a big race coming up, and I hate it when I feel under prepared.

BaBy GoT bAcK!

2009-05-29T16:02:00.000-06:00

I took Jaycee and the Cam man to lunch today at Red Robin. They were not happy, but there was no way I was going to do anywhere with a play land. So when we got there and had ordered I told them I needed to excuse myself and go to the restroom. Cam said he needed to go too, so we went into the girls bathroom. There were only 2 stalls available...the handicap one and a regular one. Cam started to go into the handicap stall but quickly walked out and said the I have a way bigger butt than him so I better take the bigger bathroom. Ha ha! He was not being mean, just totally honest in his eyes. Gotta love it!

A little while later Cam man and I were playing tic tac toe, he asked me how old I was....I asked him how old he thought I was? He said 13! Yahoo!!! But then he added I was pg-13 because I was the only one allowed to watch pg-13 moved in our house. I laughed so hard! He is so perceptive and stinkin cute.

Today I am very thankful that I am a mother....it is the hardest job I will have, but so rewarding on days like today :)

I am feeling lots better

2009-05-28T09:07:00.000-06:00

Due to my previous post I have scared a lot of people. I want everyone to know I am fine...not suicidal or depressed. I am very content right now and things are looking up for me and my kids. I love and appreciate every ones concern. Thank you and please keep my little family in your thoughts and prayers.

This blows!

2009-05-24T17:34:00.000-06:00

I have never believed that I could get so down on myself. Yes I am single and I mommy of 3 beautiful kids that I do adore. But lately the same old mundane life seems to be pulling me into a black hole. Usually I can see the light and get through this type of situation easily, but the last 3 weeks have just plain sucked! I feel like I am a horrible mother, daughter, friend, sister...and future wife to somebody. I have tried to pray but feel my prayers are not powerful enough for the Lord to ever know I exist. I have no patience and truly feel ugly....an ugly I have never felt before. I feel this life is so full of deceit and lies that it could be all a farce. Maybe this life is just a bad dream and I will wake up and feel differently, but for now this life blows!

UGH!

2009-05-22T14:55:00.000-06:00

The last couple of weeks I have just felt....UGH! The break from school is nice and I love spending more time with the kids, but my mood has been so somber. I think a few things have happened that contribute to this situation, and I have tried to feel better, but can't. I feel overwhelmed at times and wish this life wasn't so hard. Hopefully the long weekend will help, and i just need to remember that it could be a lot worse.

Moms

2009-05-10T05:24:00.000-06:00

I would like to thank my Mom for all she does for me. She is an amazing woman who has been through a lot, and has always been there for me! So here are the top 10 reasons I love my Mom.

1. She raised us in the church...and her faith has never been shaken.

2. She loves me no matter what.

3. She is beautiful inside and out.

4. She has had 2 kidney transplants, and could run circles around most moms.

5. She always sees the bright side even when I don't.

6. She would kill my ex husband if I asked her to....ha ha jk (I think).

7. She will never let me have a pity party!!! (sometimes I don't like this one jk)

8. She is proud of me for going back to school.

9. She is a great Grandma!

10. As much as I hate to admit it sometimes, I am a lot like her....:)

Love you Mom and Happy Mothers Day!

Poor Jaycee

2009-05-04T22:11:00.001-06:00

This last Thursday I was at the park watching Bryn play softball. She was having a killer game!! She has gotten so good, and I am so proud of her! Well Jaycee was playing on the playground at the park and she fell off the monkey bars. She was crying, but not too hard. I had her sit by me because Bryn's game was almost over. She sat there for a few minutes and then was off playing again. Well a few minutes later I could not see her and so I walked to the playground to find her. She was sitting in a toddler swing and was crying. I ran over to her and she said she couldn't get out because her wrist hurt. I scooped her out and we finished watching the game. When we got to the car she burst into tears and said it hurt. So I took her to the doctor and she has a buckle fracture. The good thing about this type of fracture is that it can be treated with just a splint. So they splinted it and we went home.

The problem with Jaycee is that she is SNEAKY! The little stinker would not keep her splint on. Even better she bribed her big sissy to help her take it off!!! I have threatened her with her life, but still she has been taking it off. So today I went and had her doctor put a cast on her. She is actually excited because her friends can sign it! She is such a super cutie, and has been a sweetheart through this whole thing. And in 3 weeks she gets it off!

Salt Lake Half Marathon

2009-04-22T13:18:00.000-06:00

Well this past weekens I ran the SL half. I was really nervous the race was not going to happen because of all the bad publicity in the news. But when I got my race packet I knew there was no way they would cancel it. I felt a little more prepared for this race than I did the Canyonlands half. I had still been running, although, not as much as I have wanted to. Well the race started out great and the first 9 miles flew by! I was amazed at how quickly and how nice the route was. The only part that totally sucked was the stretch up State Street, it had an incline the whole time. At times I felt I probably could have waled faster than I was running. But once we got to the top I told Nicholle...let's go. We ran the last mile hard. About 3/4 the way through the last mile I saw my Mom, Dad and Bryn. They high fived Nicholle and I, and we took off again. The people surrounding the Gateway were just cheering us on and I felt the wave of emotions again, Nicholle and I finished hand in hand again!:) They announced our names as we crossed, which I thought was way cool, and our team was waiting for us! We took a finishers photo together and got our medals. I then found the Taggarts who had Jaycee and Camden with them. And Camden told me he had heard my name called, and the Taggarts said he yelled "that's my mom!" I took 17 minutes off my previous time of 2:34 and finished 2:17, which I feel sooo good about! Can't wait to do it again!

My BFF Nicholle

2009-04-02T21:39:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is My BFF Nicholle DeNiros 30th Birthday. And so this post is a tribute to her and as to why I love her so much!

Nicholle and I met 3 years ago through my boyfriend at the time. Our friendship came so easily that it has always felt like we have known each other for a lifetime. Fortunately, me and that boyfriend didn't last. But Nicholle and I wanted to remain friends. It was not easy...I was a WRECK and devastated. But she helped me get through it. I know it wasn't easy for her and I was a pain in the ass, but she was there for me!And I hope someday I can return the favor.

TOP 10 REASONS YOU'RE JEALOUS NICHOLLE ISN'T YOUR BFF

1. She is beautiful both inside and out

2. She is an amazing mother, wife and friend

3. Tomorrow she is 30 and is rockin it like she is 21

4. We both hate the same stupid people

5. We finished our first half marathon hand in hand

6. I laugh the hardest when I am with her

7. She is stubborn, and proud of it:)

8. We know exactly what the other one is thinking

9. We know people are jealous of our friendship

10. HAVING HER IN MY LIFE MAKES ME A BETTER PERSON

Nicholle,

I love you so much and I am so proud of you for sticking to your training and completing the half. Our friendship has truly been put to the test and once again we have come shining through and better friends because of it!

I hope you know there is nothing I wouldn't do for you and want to thank you for helping me get through some of the toughest things in my life.

Your sis said it right..."best friends are like sisters!" Thank you for telling it to me straight, and not sugar coating anything.Happy birthday and I hope your day is amazing! You deserve it!

Melissa

I DID IT!!!!

2009-03-28T22:01:00.000-06:00

A week ago I ran my first half marathon. It was in Moab and was absolutely beautiful. I finished in 2:34 min. A lot slower than I would have liked to, but hey....I finished. I had started training in January and when I moved in February I hurt my back:( I was down for 2 weeks and missed a lot of training. And the week before the race I had mid-terms and well...let's just say that I totally felt under trained. I went down with my friends and got a a waiting list. I had to go back the night before and find out if I was in or not. I got in!! And the reality of the situation sunk in...in the morning I was running 13.1 miles!! AHHH! But I have amazing friends that I run with, and they made me feel better about it. I didn't sleep the night before and my body would not let me eat in the morning. Well the race started out great...I fell getting out of the bus! And yes even I laughed:) Well miles 1-11 were pretty easy. At mile 10 I took an energy gel that had caffeine in it and it kicked in about mile 11. Needless to say, I felt funny at mile 11, my heart was racing! I couldn't figure out why. But I had been running for a little over 2 hours and I hadn't eaten anything for about 5. It scared me and I had to walk for about 20 seconds...and again about a half mile later. But then I realized I had only 1.5 miles left and I just wanted to get it over with. I had ran the whole race with my BFF Nicholle and when we were about to cross the finish line she grabbed my hand...I cried. Mostly because I knew I was done, but also because I felt so glad I was able to do this!! And yes I will do it again!

Burn Camp Auction

2009-03-11T21:48:00.000-06:00

Almost 11 years ago my nephew Alex was burned. He was 8 years old and him and a couple of his friends decided to play with fire. Alex was burned over 70% of his body and was life flighted to the University of Utah Burn Trauma Center. He stayed there for over 2 months and had several surgeries including skin grafts. I was very involved in his treatment and recovery, I got to know several people in the Burn Unit. When Alex was recovered he was told about a camp here in Utah that was for kids that have been burned. He has received a lot of support through this camp and made several life long friends.

7 years ago I decided I wanted to be a part of this camp. I interviewed and was accepted as a counselor at camp Nah nah mah (it means togetherness and friendship in Ute). My first camper was a little girl named April from Idaho. She has similar burn to my nephew and was just a joy to have! After that I was hooked, and this August it will be my 8Th year as a counselor. I love it. I get so much from the camp and have made so many friends! BCR! ( that's what we say to each other, it means BURN CAMP RULES!)

These camps provide and environment where no one stares or asks questions about their burns. They can talk about them only if they want to. We go from sun up to sun down with activities for these kids. My favorite is the pool because some kids have never taken off their shirt before, but feel completely comfortable in front of other kids who truly understand what it means to be a burn survivor!

3 years ago an auction was started to raise money for the river trip (kids 6-12 go to nah nah mah and 13-18 go on a river trip) so there is no cost involved to the kids or their families. This past Saturday was the 3rd one and it amazes me to see how generous people are. And I would like to thank everyone that donated and everyone that continues to volunteer to make this camp possible for these kids! They have sure made a difference for my nephew!

So I thought I would post a few pics from the auction. If anyone would like to donate or get involved...let me know!

Pancakes..... And Mommy of the year

2008-10-15T17:58:00.000-06:00

So today I decided we would have breakfast for dinner....(my absolute fav) I was thinking bacon, eggs and toast...MMMM BACON;) So I picked my kids up and told them of my plan. They were not thrilled at all!!! I even said I would make happy faces out of them... I thought I would hear cheers of excitement.... nope not even close. Cam said, "Mom how come you never make pancakes like Grandma does for us?" I said, "I don't know why?" Then Jaycee said, "It's because you don't love us like Grandma does!!!" I was stunned! Actually, no I wasn't because my Mom does spoil my kids! I said, "Fine.... pancakes it is!" So then Bryn wanted them how I make them on valentines day. That consists of red food coloring and heart shaped cookie cutters. On Valentines everything we eat is either pink, red or white. This past valentines I had the flu... the kind they suck the boogers out of your nose and test.... the actually flu! I prayed for death that day and I don't ever remember what we did because I was soooo drugged. I didn't want to find the cookie cutters so I suggested we would just color them. Well we had to do 2 colors because my girls decided on purple and Cam thought that they were girl pancakes.... so he wanted green. So I made green and purple pancakes! And they looked sick and the gel food coloring I used made the consistency weird! But my kids were so excited! Camden said to me, "I think you just won bestest mom of the whole day!" And Bryn said, "Nuh uh like the whole year!" I had no idea that such an award could be won by a little food coloring!;) I took some pics and no I didn't eat them. I ate raw cookie dough and a peach fresca!......... (dinner of champions)

Blah Blah Blah

2008-10-09T21:47:00.000-06:00

Well it has been a while since I last blogged! So here is the low down.... I recently was laid off from my job, and I was really nervous. But then shortly later realized that this is one of those blessings that comes looking a lot like a trial! Um yeah I seem to get a lot of those.... but it reminds me that Heavenly Father hasn't forgotten about me! So anyways, I have decided to go back to school and finish my RN. Well the way my luck goes I might have to start over.... which I am totally ok with because I have been out of school for sooooo long!!! The downer part to that is that I have to wait till January to start:( so I have a crap load of free time!!!! I have the Vegas Half Marathon coming up in about 8 weeks and I am no where near being ready ahhhhhh! But the free time is helping me get some miles in..... I am worried about my endurance more than anything. I would like to finish in 2 hours. Which would mean I need to run a 9.16 min. My last race I was a minute faster than that but it was only 5 miles not 13.1. I think my goal is attainable, but it will be my first half. But I am seriously scared. And I would like to thank my team for keeping me motivated and for being such good friends to me. I love running but sometimes I feel like it consumes me. I want to be faster, but I only have so much time. If anyone can help me find balance or give me advice..... my ears are open.

Downhill Dash

2008-09-06T21:27:00.000-06:00

I just got done running the 8k Downhill Dash..... put on by the "fabulous Alta Peruvian" lodge! Ha ha that's what it's really called. Well an 8k is almost 5 miles and was down Little Cottonwood Canyon. I had a lot of fun!!!!! Tons of fun! But I ran it with 3 people from my running group.... James, Lisa and Daren! Shout out to team "Running on MT!" Well we all started together for about the first 30seconds then James and Daren took off. Well Lisa and I were together till about 1/2 way done and then I had to tie my damn shoe! Ugh! But I finished 40 min and 38 seconds..... and averaged an 8.14 min mile! That for me is awesome!!!!! Well all 4 of us got prizes to our GREAT surprise!!!! Lisa took 1st in our division.... I place 2nd. James took 2nd in his and Daren 3rd in his! We all laughed, but are really glad we did it... we joke that we are and "award winning" team now! Well all the winning does is motivate me to keep racing! I know I am not very fast but I am not doing this at all to compete! But it was really a fun and fast race!!!! GO TEAM!!!!

Stand Up To Cancer

2008-09-05T20:16:00.000-06:00

Well I just got done watching the stand up for cancer special and I am late for a date I have tonight, but I just had to quickly blog. As you know I am in my own battle with cervical cancer. I will find out on September 11th if the surgery's have left me cancer free again. I hope on that day I can remember the fallen and not be looking into the next treatment. I have been very lucky in the fact that mine is not to the point I need chemo or that my life is a factor. But I made a donation to this awesome organization and would like to challenge all of you to do the same. The website is standup2cancer.org. Please lets get a cure for this disease that affects all of us! I will do whatever these doctors want so that I can make sure I raise my beautiful children. Not everyone is so lucky..... 1 person dies every minute to this horrible disease. Pledge now and be generous.... pledge enough to make it so you have to sacrifice a little for the rest of the month. You'll enjoy the blessings more than you will the money!

On a lighter note.... Jennifer Aniston was one of the speakers and Brynlee and Camden both said why is Rachel talking about cancer? Ha ha I laughed so hard! I may be too much of a friends fan!

Tragedy:(

2008-08-17T18:55:00.000-06:00

Well on Saturday a group of us decided to take our kids hiking up to Lake Blanche up Big Cotton Canyon. So there was 6 adults and 8 kids. It was really fun... we had to stop and look at everything and take several breaks because of the kids. We were about halfway up the trail when a man came running down and asked if we had a cell phone, Lisa started searching in her bag and I saw how panicked she was so I ran to her and the man said that a man was having a heart attack!!!! I looked at Lisa and she said to me we've got your kids GO!!!

I took off running up the mountain trying to remember my EMT training. It took me about 15-20 minutes to get up to the victim.... his name was Roger and he had been down about 25-30 minutes. There was a Doctor there and several bystanders. The doctor said we haven't given him a breath in a while. I proceeded to give Roger 2 breaths... I could tell his insestinal fluid was comimg up... he also started to foam at the mouth, so we decided since we did not have a mouth guard we would not give anymore breaths. We did chest compressions for another 45 minutes. The doctor looked at me and said do you feel it's the right decision to stop.... I thought for several seconds about this decision.... Roger had been down for an hour and a half... we could only feel a pulse w compressions.... but I kept thinking this is someones dad and grandpa... what would I want someone to do if this was my family? So I accessed him again and his eyes were completed dialated and we had no pulse for more than an hour... I told the doc I was fine with it. He made the anouncement to the group and everone agreed it was the right thing to do. I dressed him and we covered him w a tarp.

Just a few minutes after that we head the helicopter.... we knew the saw the tarp and knew this was going to be a recovery instead of a rescue..... Daren and Lisa had come up to make sure I was ok and to help. We directed the helicopter and 2 men said they would stay w Roger so we proceeded down the mountain. I met up w my kids who were extremely happy to see me and immediatly the questions started coming. I answered the best I could and when we got down the mountain there was a news crew and several sheriffs. Lisas husband Chucks wanted me to go on camera but I was not wanting to at all. I watched the news that night and they had said there was a Doctor and an EMT trying to save the man (EMT being me). My heart goes out to Rogers family and I hope they know we all tried our hardest and wish the outcome had been different. God bless Roger and his family.

Here are the links to the Fox 13 story and the new article. http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_10227933
http://www.myfoxutah.com/myfox/pages/ContentDetail?contentId=7223782

My gospel

2008-07-30T12:44:00.000-06:00

Well I have had such an overwhelming spiritual week that I had to blog. Well as most of you know I am not perfect when I comes to religion and I am too high strung to be that way. (or at least that is how my bishop puts it) Well Bryn has made an awesome decision to get baptised. And to be honest it is one she has made completely on her own. I would like her to wait for the reason that I would like to be getting baptised right now and having the years of bad decision making washed away!!! HA HA I am only kidding. But she is overly excited and is truly aware of the decision she is making. I could not be prouder. She is amazing!!! Bryn has asked my Dad to baptise and confirm her... my Grandpa baptised me (dang I miss him) and so it brings back awesome memories of my special day. Well needless to say Satan has wanted to ruin this day. I do not have to ask her Dad for permission bc I have FULL custody of my kids, but for the sake of trying to make our relationship better I felt the need to not ask but just tell about the decision Bryn had made. He was ok w her getting baptised... Just didn't want my dad to do it. Well who the heck did he think was going to do it? And he threatened to have it stopped by the courts. Well good luck w that!!! Anyways, I've felt unworthy lately bc of bad decisions I had made. But again that is just Satan trying to destroy this day.

Well I have made a big decision myself. I have put back on my garments and am working very diligently to get back to the temple. I haven't told anyone. This is my secret... well was till I decided to blog about it :) I have felt more peace in this secret than I have w any other big decision I have made this year. It has never been the gospel that I didn't believe in, it has been the members. But this is about me and not them! I hope to be to the temple soon and I am thankful for the gospel and especially my Savior. The last couple months we've become very close. I give most of the credit to my children for making me feel this way. They are pure, innocent and love me more than I deserve. And I am blessed to be their mommy. I am thankful for my crappy life everyday! It has humble me and my children. But bonded us for life. How could I not be grateful?

Worst and Best week ever!

2008-07-22T10:07:00.000-06:00

Well I thought things were going pretty well and to say the least that was my biggest mistake! I know that my life does not seem glamorous or that for no reason should anybody be jealous of me, but I thought I had my life under control and was extremely happy. HA! Lets just say that once you have an ex husband they never go away! I have excepted the fact that he will never pay for them or exercise his visitation. But I had no idea his dishonesty would effect my little family in such a way that I would doubt I can raise these kids myself. To be fair to him... actually I no longer feel a need to be nice of fair to him. He is a DEAD BEAT DAD! And that may even be nice to just call him that instead of lots of things that are inappropriate to post:).....

Well back to my week on Wednesday I found out that I had to take care of some of his unfinished dishonest business. Which I think is bull shit! Then on Friday he shows up to the daycare to bring Bryn a bday present. And of course he is the hero and makes all these promises he WILL NOT keep to her. And who gets left cleaning up the trail of shit he leaves?.... yes that would be me! I am pissed! He was supposed to have her on her bday and of course makes some excuse about being too poor to take her. Well in his backyard of his beautiful home his other kids have blow up toys, pools and every Wii game there is. Huh and I am wondering how I am going to feed MY kids this month. (weird that he can afford all that but bitches about money) Then my son stabbed my brand new table with a fork and thought it was funny! Yeah I coulda killed him. Then about 5 min later a bottle of DARK PURPLE finger nail polish broke on my carpet. I had had it! I called Nicholle and her and I went to Baskin Robbins and ate ice cream while she let me vent and cry. Thank you BFF! Then we had planned a girls night out on Saturday. Just what the doctor ordered I thought. Well I was not in the mood and had fun but it was only a temporary fix. I have not been this depressed in a LONG time! I need to pull out of it and get over it. But for some reason this is just lingering and I can not shake it! And that is not like me. I do not feel I need medication but maybe a vacation:)

Okay now that I have sat on my pity pot i will flush and move on to the best part of my week.

On Thursday the young women in my ward come and watch my kids for service hours and so I get a few hours to myself. Well I am training to run the Vegas half Marathon in December so this gives me a great free time to train. So a few of us that are running it were meeting at Copper Hills High School to run the track and the bleachers. So on my way out the door a good guy friend of mine called and asked if he could take me to dinner. I explained that I was going running and would call him later. So off to the high school I went. Well my right glut had been bothering me because I have been working out with a personal trainer and we had really kicked it up a notch. So needless to say I was slow and it was way hot but I had a good time. I even joked with the crew that I was a couple days away from being a man hater! Ha ha. JK everyone knows I love all you men:) So I headed home. When I got home there were 2 cards sitting on my table. I asked the young women who they were from. They said my "friend" had stopped them by. I was confused????? One card was for me and the other for Bryn. I open mine and inside was some money and a note that said he knew I needed it. So I took Bryn her card and she opened it and inside was money for her with a note that said go get all you need for your baptism. I had been wondering and praying that I could make Bryn's day special for her and now I could. I called my friend and told him I could not accept the money. He said that I could and would and there were no strings attached. I was at this point bawling so hard all I could muster was a quiet THANK YOU!

I am truly thankful for all the TRUE FRIENDS I have in my life. They have got me through the roughest time. And I feel truly blessed that they are my friends. I hope someday I can repay them by being just as great of a friend.

So Bryn and I went shopping on Saturday and got a elegant dress that is just her style. And she had beautiful pics taken on Sunday. Damn I am in trouble when she gets older, and America's next top model better watch out!!!!!!!

I'll Wasatch your back....If you'll Wasatch mine

2008-06-26T10:58:00.000-06:00

Well it's over, and yes I am alive. I ran the Ragnar Relay (wasatch back) this past weekend! It was my first race and boy was it a big one. I ran 3 legs of the race! I was runner 8 and ran close to 20 miles in less than 24 hours. WTF?

My first leg was almost 4 miles... I ran it at 3:30pm on Friday through the Ogden valley...and it was hot!!! I would like to thank the very good looking National Guard runners who gave me water and a cat call as I ran by! Also, my team was amazing! I knew no one in my van but yet they made me feel right at home. I passed a cute gal and we started running together and we were about a mile from the next exchange point... she started to fall behind, so I slowed down and said, "come on girl we are gonna finish this together!" We started talking about where we were from and our kids... it was really cool to meet new peeps like that along your legs... And we did finish together! After she thanked me and said I had really kept her motivated! I was over come with emotion as everyone who passed my slow butt said encouraging words and made me feel like i was not crazy for doing this race. I finished well under a 10 minute mile! Yeah for me!! After our van was through with our first leg we headed to a park in Morgan to get some grub. At this point I had drank so much water I thought I was going to burst! So of course all my new found friends were making jokes and drinking water in front of me! Thank you Larry and Levi for almost making me pee my running shorts:)! When we got to the park some runners were already sleeping.... Fazoli's was there serving a $5 all you could eat dinner. So we ate! I'm pretty sure it was really gross, but we were all starving and tired so it was gourmet to us! So we ate our fill and headed to our first major exchange point where we would meet up with the other van. Mike in our "athletic suppoter" van had cots and sleeping bags waiting for us. I was exhausted! We were at Echo and all I wanted was a shower.... and of course there were none. So I took a whore bath in the ladies room! Yeah not really my style, but whats a dirty girl gonna do?:) I laid down on my cot and Mike gave me a killer massage.... but sleep would not come! I rolled over and looked above me and right smack above me was the BIG DIPPER! So Larry and I started pointing out all the constellations we knew. Wow it was amazing! I tried for 2 more hours to sleep but where we were there was too much commotion for me. So we headed out on our 2nd leg with no sleep for any of us. I was beyond exhausted and still had close to 15 miles left to run. Man... I thought I was in trouble!

I started my second leg shortly after 1:00am on Saturday morning. I was freezing. I was running down a canyon to the small town of Henefer. I started out in capri's and shed those about 2 miles in to my almost 8 mile run. Now if you know me, you know I am afraid of the dark....so i was super nervous for this run. I ran down this beautiful canyon and had an awesome pace and felt great... I crossed the freeway overpass and saw the most awesome, brilliant full moon ever! I felt so small at that point (not in a bad way) I felt charged by my new found friend the moon and completed probably one of my best and most memorable runs ever just over 8 min miles! Hell Yay! When my team picked me up I was tired! But again sleep would not come in the crowded van. We drove to North Summitt High when our 2nd legs were all complete.... I showered with a whole bunch of naked women in a community shower....which I did wear my flip flops:) I laid down next to my team on rock hard mats in the gym... again I could not sleep! I tried really hard too:( I was nervouse for my next leg because it was almost 6.5 miles and I was running on low. For a moment I thought... Why did I do this? But my kick A team kept me motivated! So we all piled into the van... no one looked too excited and we headed to the next major exchange. We arrived shortly before the first van did. And I have to thank Lisa and James for motivating me to finish! So off we went again!

My 3rd leg through Midway to Wasatch Mountain State Park was just after 12:30pm and DAMN it was hot. I was beyond tired and my right hammy was in a lot of pain! I just kept thinking the pain would stop after my muscles got warmed up.... but it got worse! 2 miles into this leg I knew I was in trouble! BIG TROUBLE! My team had stopped and we "bengayed" me up! It helped for a little but then I was back in pain. With about 3 miles left my ipod died! My only motivation outside my team was gone and I was truly discouraged now! I had worked hard on my playlist and it was awesome! What else could go wrong? Ha ha . About a mile later a passed a cute gal who looked like she was done for.... I started talking to her and we decided to motivate each other... Her team was "GIRL's NITE OUT" (shout out to you ladies) we decided to finish this shit because we were both done! So her and I ran and finished it together! WHAHOO I was done... I had made it alive and successfully finished my first race ever!!!!

Now we ran the last .5 mile as a team... all 12 of us, and again my emotions came out as we crossed the line together and out medals were placed around our necks! I didn't cry on the outside... and believe me it took everything I had not too! Some of you may think I am dumb but I finished it! I was fast for me and I did it with no sleep and not very good eats.... I am fo sho proud of me! And I am doing it again next year!

Here I go!!!

2008-05-28T09:38:00.000-06:00

Well I have officially been asked to be part of an awesome relay team which will run the Wasatch Back in June! I am so excited and scared at the same time. The team is awesome and not too competitive which will be nice because I am totally their to just have a blast! My doctor gave me the approval this morning to run it. He did limit the amount of miles he will let me run at a time, but I totally now have him on my side. Before he did not want me running at all... pshhh like I could do that! I have to agree with him I like to push things a little too far, but if I didn't I wouldn't be who I am.

Surviving

2008-05-12T10:35:00.000-06:00

Survive: To get along or remain healthy, happy, and unaffected in spite of some occurence...

Wow! This is the only word to describe my life thus far. I have twice before dealt with cervical cancer and am currently going about it for the 3rd time. This time I am more scared than I have ever been! I have been fortunate to never have had to endure Chemo, I am blessed that mine is treatable and is not at this point life threatening. But i am a planner and I did not plan this! My daily routine that I am accustomed to is about to change and if you know me this is where I will struggle the most. I'm just gonna to put on my big girl panties and deal with it!:)

Being a Mom

2008-05-07T10:06:00.000-06:00

Well i have 3 of the best kids ever! I know that everyone says that.... But truly in that area I am blessed beyond belief. My kids give me hope, strenghth and joy. I still do not understand how one minute you can be so angry and the next feel such unconditional love.

My oldest Brynlee...opps i mean Bryn (recently I was informed to only call her Bryn... WHATEVA!) Everyone needs one just like her. She is the best kid. I am truly honored to be her mother. She has been dancing and playing softball... And WOW is she talented at both! She is struggling with which she would like to persue on a higher level. She is getting to the bratty stage with clothes and shoes... But she is always the first to help me and make sure I know how much she loves me!

Jaycee is the middle one. ( and yes there is some middle child syndrome with her) She is the one who wants to make me pull my hair out most days. But we are so alike on some levels that it is almost scary! *** yes mom you were right i got one just like you*** i mean me:)! She is my princess! The girly of all little girls. I remember being pregnant with her and not thinking I could love another child as much as I did Brynlee... Well yeah I do love her just as much. Jaycee is not at all ike her older sister and is content to sit and do nothing. All the while coconspiring with her younger brother against me! But she can not lie... and everytime I get mad those huge blue eyes fill up with tears and she immediatly confesses. It's sweet and I hope it lasts:)

Camden Camden Camden! He is my man! He is so DAMN handsome I can't stand it! He is the center of attention always.... if not he'll do something to make sure he is. He is so active I need to bottle and sell his energy! I would be a millionaire!!! He is playing T-ball and it causes me fits of laughter every game. He thinks he is headed for the major leagues! But this guy protects me like a guard dog! He wont let anyone be mean to me or he will never tease me. I have my knight in shining armor!