Black Sunday

I really mean black Sunday...not black Friday. Here is why....

Jaycee has been sick since about Wednesday, then on Friday Camden started not feeling well. Then last night Bryn and I started with the boogie nose and cough.

I feel like every Sunday someone or something makes it very hard for me to get to church. I LOVE church!!! My week goes so much better if I go and feel the spirit.

So here is what happened today. First off I had done a load of laundry last night and had asked Bryn to put it in the dryer for me this morning. I then went up stairs to switch out the load and there was BLACK crayon ALL over everything!!! I started to cry...I had no idea how it got in there, no idea why there was even a crayon that wasn't in the crayon box, why this happened to me, and why I EVEN TRY!!!

I feel like lately that everything is black. My life seems pointless, I don't fit in in my new ward, I am failing as a mother, father, daughter, friend, student,and sister.

I remember being in 9Th grade seminary and winning a medal for best future mom. ( I actually think I still have the medal) I wanted to be a stay at home mom who ran my kids to piano lesson, dance lessons, sports and church activities. I would have cookies hot from the oven when they got home from school, and a husband who couldn't wait to get home to see me. OK OK this seems a little Florence Henderson, but that is what I had always pictured. Well my crappy life couldn't be farther from this. It really does BUM me out:(

Well and to top it off I have put back on some of the weight I worked so hard to loose...I was down 30 lbs from December 2010. I have pit back on about 8...which leaves me at 143...I wanna be 135 again.

Here is my plan to get me where I want to be spiritually, mentally and physically...

1. Exercise a minimum of 45 min per day

2. Pray more

3. Study harder

4. Spend individual time with my kids (not sure how to accomplish this yet)

5. Forgive better

6. Take better care of me

7. Read Scriptures

8. Family Prayer

9. Eat better

10. Tell everyone I love how much I love them

I am hoping this is at least a start to making 2011 a better year.