Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My gospel

Well I have had such an overwhelming spiritual week that I had to blog. Well as most of you know I am not perfect when I comes to religion and I am too high strung to be that way. (or at least that is how my bishop puts it) Well Bryn has made an awesome decision to get baptised. And to be honest it is one she has made completely on her own. I would like her to wait for the reason that I would like to be getting baptised right now and having the years of bad decision making washed away!!! HA HA I am only kidding. But she is overly excited and is truly aware of the decision she is making. I could not be prouder. She is amazing!!! Bryn has asked my Dad to baptise and confirm her... my Grandpa baptised me (dang I miss him) and so it brings back awesome memories of my special day. Well needless to say Satan has wanted to ruin this day. I do not have to ask her Dad for permission bc I have FULL custody of my kids, but for the sake of trying to make our relationship better I felt the need to not ask but just tell about the decision Bryn had made. He was ok w her getting baptised... Just didn't want my dad to do it. Well who the heck did he think was going to do it? And he threatened to have it stopped by the courts. Well good luck w that!!! Anyways, I've felt unworthy lately bc of bad decisions I had made. But again that is just Satan trying to destroy this day.

Well I have made a big decision myself. I have put back on my garments and am working very diligently to get back to the temple. I haven't told anyone. This is my secret... well was till I decided to blog about it :) I have felt more peace in this secret than I have w any other big decision I have made this year. It has never been the gospel that I didn't believe in, it has been the members. But this is about me and not them! I hope to be to the temple soon and I am thankful for the gospel and especially my Savior. The last couple months we've become very close. I give most of the credit to my children for making me feel this way. They are pure, innocent and love me more than I deserve. And I am blessed to be their mommy. I am thankful for my crappy life everyday! It has humble me and my children. But bonded us for life. How could I not be grateful?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Worst and Best week ever!

Well I thought things were going pretty well and to say the least that was my biggest mistake! I know that my life does not seem glamorous or that for no reason should anybody be jealous of me, but I thought I had my life under control and was extremely happy. HA! Lets just say that once you have an ex husband they never go away! I have excepted the fact that he will never pay for them or exercise his visitation. But I had no idea his dishonesty would effect my little family in such a way that I would doubt I can raise these kids myself. To be fair to him... actually I no longer feel a need to be nice of fair to him. He is a DEAD BEAT DAD! And that may even be nice to just call him that instead of lots of things that are inappropriate to post:).....

Well back to my week on Wednesday I found out that I had to take care of some of his unfinished dishonest business. Which I think is bull shit! Then on Friday he shows up to the daycare to bring Bryn a bday present. And of course he is the hero and makes all these promises he WILL NOT keep to her. And who gets left cleaning up the trail of shit he leaves?.... yes that would be me! I am pissed! He was supposed to have her on her bday and of course makes some excuse about being too poor to take her. Well in his backyard of his beautiful home his other kids have blow up toys, pools and every Wii game there is. Huh and I am wondering how I am going to feed MY kids this month. (weird that he can afford all that but bitches about money) Then my son stabbed my brand new table with a fork and thought it was funny! Yeah I coulda killed him. Then about 5 min later a bottle of DARK PURPLE finger nail polish broke on my carpet. I had had it! I called Nicholle and her and I went to Baskin Robbins and ate ice cream while she let me vent and cry. Thank you BFF! Then we had planned a girls night out on Saturday. Just what the doctor ordered I thought. Well I was not in the mood and had fun but it was only a temporary fix. I have not been this depressed in a LONG time! I need to pull out of it and get over it. But for some reason this is just lingering and I can not shake it! And that is not like me. I do not feel I need medication but maybe a vacation:)

Okay now that I have sat on my pity pot i will flush and move on to the best part of my week.

On Thursday the young women in my ward come and watch my kids for service hours and so I get a few hours to myself. Well I am training to run the Vegas half Marathon in December so this gives me a great free time to train. So a few of us that are running it were meeting at Copper Hills High School to run the track and the bleachers. So on my way out the door a good guy friend of mine called and asked if he could take me to dinner. I explained that I was going running and would call him later. So off to the high school I went. Well my right glut had been bothering me because I have been working out with a personal trainer and we had really kicked it up a notch. So needless to say I was slow and it was way hot but I had a good time. I even joked with the crew that I was a couple days away from being a man hater! Ha ha. JK everyone knows I love all you men:) So I headed home. When I got home there were 2 cards sitting on my table. I asked the young women who they were from. They said my "friend" had stopped them by. I was confused????? One card was for me and the other for Bryn. I open mine and inside was some money and a note that said he knew I needed it. So I took Bryn her card and she opened it and inside was money for her with a note that said go get all you need for your baptism. I had been wondering and praying that I could make Bryn's day special for her and now I could. I called my friend and told him I could not accept the money. He said that I could and would and there were no strings attached. I was at this point bawling so hard all I could muster was a quiet THANK YOU!

I am truly thankful for all the TRUE FRIENDS I have in my life. They have got me through the roughest time. And I feel truly blessed that they are my friends. I hope someday I can repay them by being just as great of a friend.

So Bryn and I went shopping on Saturday and got a elegant dress that is just her style. And she had beautiful pics taken on Sunday. Damn I am in trouble when she gets older, and America's next top model better watch out!!!!!!!