Finals week = HELL week

Pardon my language, but that is exactly how I feel!

Three down and one more to go. The math one is the biggie for my...and to be honest I am not sure I can pass the class. I was feeling really badly about this:( I talked to several of my friends about it and ALL of them told me they had to take more than one class again, and occasionally a third time. This made me feel A LOT better. I took on more this semester than I should have....and believe me I learned my lesson!

I am not wonder woman. I really wish I was:) Then I could take care of the kiddos, get the laundry done, clean, homework, work, and fight crime! Where is my whip?

I am feeling better though. I have been exercising a little bit, reading my scriptures, and praying extra hard! I feel the blackness leaving:)

Thank you to all my wonderful friends that have offered advice and helped me.

Lots of LOVE

Melissa

Denny the ELF

So I was out with my friend Allie at the mall and she introduced me to the "Elf on the Shelf" book. It has a kinda creepy elf that sits on your shelf and flies home to Santa to report if you've been good or not. He comes back everyday and sits in a new place to watch you. You cannot touch him or he leaves, but you can talk to him.

I went home that day and talked to Sue about it and she said it is a tradition from Denmark and that she had heard of it, but didn't know there was a book. Well, the next day Sue had bought the book. She wrapped it and placed it on the doorstep, then the kids discovered it!!!

They were so excited!!!! There is a cute website where you can go and register and name your elf. We named our elf Denny...because he comes from Denmark.

The kids have had so much fun searching for Denny every morning. I even caught Jaycee reading him a story from a Christmas book...it was so sweet! I LOVE that all my kids still believe in Santa. I do think Bryn is on the fence though.

Charcoal Gray Monday

OK things are a little better today....not really, but I am trying.

I didn't work out today because I am SICK! Dang kiddos giving me their cooties!!:)
So I don't really feel to bad about that, because it wasn't due to a lack of motivation (pure laziness)

I have eaten a little better today

I cannot find my scriptures, so I get a pass until I do

I told people I LOVE them today

I have tried to do my online homework today, but the website is down....so I think that counts:)

I have prayed very HARD today

I spent a little time with each of my kids (I am really going to have to work at this one)

The taking care of me is going to take time....but it is something I am conscientiously thinking about

We didn't do family prayer...oops

I didn't have anyone to forgive today

Hey, at least I am trying

Black Sunday

I really mean black Sunday...not black Friday. Here is why....

Jaycee has been sick since about Wednesday, then on Friday Camden started not feeling well. Then last night Bryn and I started with the boogie nose and cough.

I feel like every Sunday someone or something makes it very hard for me to get to church. I LOVE church!!! My week goes so much better if I go and feel the spirit.

So here is what happened today. First off I had done a load of laundry last night and had asked Bryn to put it in the dryer for me this morning. I then went up stairs to switch out the load and there was BLACK crayon ALL over everything!!! I started to cry...I had no idea how it got in there, no idea why there was even a crayon that wasn't in the crayon box, why this happened to me, and why I EVEN TRY!!!

I feel like lately that everything is black. My life seems pointless, I don't fit in in my new ward, I am failing as a mother, father, daughter, friend, student,and sister.

I remember being in 9Th grade seminary and winning a medal for best future mom. ( I actually think I still have the medal) I wanted to be a stay at home mom who ran my kids to piano lesson, dance lessons, sports and church activities. I would have cookies hot from the oven when they got home from school, and a husband who couldn't wait to get home to see me. OK OK this seems a little Florence Henderson, but that is what I had always pictured. Well my crappy life couldn't be farther from this. It really does BUM me out:(

Well and to top it off I have put back on some of the weight I worked so hard to loose...I was down 30 lbs from December 2010. I have pit back on about 8...which leaves me at 143...I wanna be 135 again.

Here is my plan to get me where I want to be spiritually, mentally and physically...

1. Exercise a minimum of 45 min per day

2. Pray more

3. Study harder

4. Spend individual time with my kids (not sure how to accomplish this yet)

5. Forgive better

6. Take better care of me

7. Read Scriptures

8. Family Prayer

9. Eat better

10. Tell everyone I love how much I love them

I am hoping this is at least a start to making 2011 a better year.

Snowbird

This September the Taggs let me and my kids use their timeshare at Snowbird. Well Snowbird is gotta be one of my FAVORITE places ever!!!! I love the mountains and that I live less than 10 miles from Snowbird!! We had so much fun! The kids were troopers and went from the time the rides opened until they closed. We went on Thursday night and played all day Friday...there were NO lines!!!

The highlight of the trip was Jaycee! The first thing she wanted to do was ride the mechanical bull. WEIRD!!! But that's Jayce:) She got on and it went to one side, then the other and then flew forward! Jaycee did a front flip off and I pretty sure the girl that was controlling the ride peed her pants! I almost did! We seriously laughed for 10min. We still tease her about it! I hope to make this a yearly trip for us!

Thanks Ray and Sue for letting us use it! We LOVE ya!

Skinny Jean Code

Did you know there was a "skinny jean code"? I didn't either until this morning.

My beautiful girls are all about the skinny jeans...OK I admit I have a couple pairs:)

Well as they were getting dressed this morning Jaycee asked Bryn if she knew about the "code"? Bryn looked at her like she was crazy! I piped in and said I didn't know about the "code".

Jaycee said, "The skinny jean code is that boys like it when girls wear skinny jeans, because their bums look good in them."

Bryn then said, " I'm wearing skinny jeans today!!!"

I actually thought in my head maybe I needed to wear them too!!! LOL

Love that silly girl Jaycee!

Sweetest boy

OK so usually I have Camden Crackups to post or I am complaining that he is driving me crazy, but this morning he did something so incredibly sweet I had to post it.

I was making my kids eggs for breakfast. We all like them fried so we can dip toast in the yoke. Well I has made the eggs and Jaycees yoke had broke, so I told her that I would eat it and she could have mine. Camden had just walked away from the stove with his eggs when he turned back around and handed me his plate and said " You always have to eat the broken ones, so have mine and I'll eat the broken one." I of course stared to cry and gave him a million kisses. I LOVE him so much and hope he will always treat me this way.

I may complain a lot about him, but today I think I'll keep him:)

What have I lost?

This was a question that was presented this past Sunday by a Mr. Chris William. He came a spoke in my new ward for the combined 5Th Sunday. He was so inspiring and wonderful, I cried the entire hour....tears of joy, and forgiveness.

But before I get into that I wanted to explain my new ward. I have moved to the East side (Sandy), and to us born and raised west siders I am now snobby!!! Just kidding...well I have encountered a few snobs, but oh well. I have been really anxious to go to this ward because I am surrounded by wealth, not spiritual, but monetary. There is nothing wrong with that, I just feel like a single mommy on welfare cannot compete. I am going to get over that though. I have been accepted with open arms and have felt very welcome.

OK back to Sunday. Sue called her dear friends the Daniels and asked them to make me and my kids feel welcome. Ray and Sue don't go to church, but they are the most Christ like people I have ever met and I am so blessed they are in my life. Sister Daniels told us where she would be sitting and invited us to join her. Well I was running a few minutes late and we just sat in the back. As soon as Sacrament was over her and her sweet husband hurried over to us and she took the kids (she is the Primary Pres.) and Brother Daniels directed me to Sunday School. I of course stood out as I walked in and the teacher asked me to introduce myself.....I was mortified!!! I hate that! At the end of the lesson Bro Daniels said the nicest things about the Taggarts and asked the ward to please make me feel welcome. He is sooooo sweet, and yeah I cried again! Then there was a combined Relief Society and Priesthood meeting. The bishop then stood up and asked me to introduce myself to the ward.....I was beyond mortified at this point and stood out like a sore thumb!!!! Then Chris spoke to us.

In Feb 2007 he was driving with his family when they were struck by a drunk driver who was 17 years old. His wife, unborn child, daughter, and son died immediately. One of his sons survived the crash and another was at a friends house. He was a bishop at the time. I cannot imagine a loss so great. He spoke of forgiveness and love. His Mormon message can be seen here.

After watching that he asked " What have I lost?" his answer was NOTHING. That because of the atonement he still has his family that he lost. WOW! So powerful. I think about the things I complain about and i have really lost nothing! He talked about grieving, that there is good grief and bad grief. Satan is behind the bad grief. I so need to remember that. If i had to pick a day to start a new ward, I am sooo thankful/grateful I picked this Sunday. I don't think it was by accident either.

Change

Well I moved. OK not officially yet, but hopefully by the end of the month. This has been a super hard decision for me. There is a lot involved....some people are mad, others are grateful and me, well I am somewhere in the middle.

One thing that A LOT of people do not understand is that sometimes we are put in places or decision that are not entirely our choice. Sometimes choices people make affect others....and there is nothing that the person it affected can do about it. I am one of those people. The move is a culmination of a lot of other peoples decisions that affected me. The best choice for me was to move. It was not what I wanted, but I am grateful I had a place to go.

I need to thank the Taggarts for ALWAYS being there for me. I could not ask for a better family that technically isn't my family. They have been here for me for the past 11+ years. Thank GOD I have them!

To my ward family (6Th ward) I am going to miss you all so much! I love all of you! I loved my calling, my kids teachers, and the bishopric! Please keep in touch and know that I would not be where I am today without all of you!

This week has been especially hard. The girls started a new school, I started school, and I had court with the EX. Court was so hard for me. You look at someone, who at one time you thought was your everything, and then you realize what he has become and you are confused at how you could ever have loved that person. I honestly cannot believe he is the father of my 3 kids. He has made some bad choices and the outcome of court this week was not what I wanted, I actually thought the judge was harsh, but the decision was not mine.

Sometimes change can be a good thing and I am hoping this change turn out to be just that.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me. I couldn't do this without you.

Burn Camp 2010

I just got back from camp this week. This was my 9th year at camp Nah Nah Mah. I truly am blessed to be apart of this awesome organization. I hope to do it for many more years to come. The pics I post are only of me and no kids. We live in SMALL LAKE CITY and their stories are theirs to tell. I will post all the links to the news storys and the burn camp website.

Thank you to Brad, Ratch and Kristen who are the backbone of this organizion. To Mitch, Brandy, Janette, Leonard, Janet, Sam, and Matt you are truly some of my best friends and thank you for all your love.

The highlight at camp this year was that I fell and broke my knee cap! It SUCKS! I am no going to be able to run for a couple weeks, but hope ta make a few races in Sept.

If anyone is in need of volunteering and having a blast at the same time, look into this organizations. It is amazing!

I'm Alive!

Wow its been too long since I last blogged! The kiddos and I are doing fabulous! The last few months have not been the best, but as always I pull through and am stronger for all the trials that come my way.

I am going to post about Gorgoza Park in Park City. I took the kids while they were off track in January. Bryn's friend Lexi came with us and it was so much fun! It is right off the Jeremy Ranch exit, and is easily seen from the road. The kids had so much fun! Bryn and Lexi were able to go on all the tube runs, but Jaycee and Cam could only do the smaller ones and the cute kid park thing they had. It was a little pricey, but honestly worth it. Here it is July...OK August and my kids are asking when we can go again.

AWE!

Here is the link to our photographers website again http://www.shamelessphotography.net/

She said some of the nicest things about me and my kids.

I will be using her again in the future:)

Dear Jaycee

Dear Jaycee,

You turned 7 last week...7!!!! I cannot believe you are that old! I love you more than you'll ever know. I am so thankful for you and your sweet sweet spirit. You are so mellow compared to Bryn and Cam right now.

I am so sorry that you have been so sick lately. You definitely got my grace...well lack of grace. :) You are my personality twin, I know what you are thinking before you think it.

Thank you for giving me your awesome hugs and kisses everyday!! They make my day everyday! You are getting so tall and pretty, your big blue eyes seem to give you away when you try to lie or have a secret.

I am so proud of all your accomplishments in school, and cannot wait to see how you do in softball.

Always know mommy loves you!

Love,

MOM

Camden Crack-ups

Camden: Mom, guess what?

Mom: What Cam?

Camden: I gotta big one in my pants

Mom: (mind went straight to the gutter) You have a what?

Camden: I have a big one in my pants

Mom: You have a big what????

Camden: Farts very loudly while running away laughing


I was very very very glad that he had a big fart in his pants and not what my mind was thinking! He is very much a little boy! LOL

Hello again

It doesn't help that one of my New Years resolutions was to blog more...oops:)

Well January has been a very interesting month! My poor Jaycee has battled more UTI and kidney infections, staples in her head, and her daily clumsiness. I sometimes wonder about my little sweetie...she seems to be so accident prone.

On Sunday she missed a chair at the Taggarts and cracked her little head open. It required 1 staple, but the worst was when they said they were going to staple it and she FREAKED, scratched the crap out of my face, and required 4 people to hold her down!! Yep, it was AWESOME!

Then today she was combing her hair and pulled part of the staple out. So we headed to the DR again (5th time in a little over 30days)and they removed it. Her scar will be worse, but I didn't care because it was on the back of her head.

I have decided to not do the testing on her right now to determine why she keeps getting UTI and kidney infections. She needs a break and SO DO I! If she gets another one I will for sure do the tests, but she is pretty afraid of the Dr right now and I don't want that to continue.

More post to come from the rest of Jan...we had a lot of fun!

Christmas

I forgot to take any pictures on Christmas. It could have been the 15 hours of sleep that I had had in 5 days, or the fact that I was an absolute grump! I hate that I didn't enjoy this Christmas like I have in the past. But I did have a couple if people that did make my Christmas amazing!!


I have 2 friends that mean a lot to me.... I haven't always liked one of them, but it's ok because she didn't always like me either. :) These 2 are the most unselfish, loving, best people in the world. Last December Jaycee was going through some things that really affected our family, probably me the most because I blamed myself. When it was all said and done, she is fine and so am I. Phew!

These 2 friends helped me last year too...They showed up at my apt with a gift card, stuff to make an AWESOME dinner and treats for the kids. They helped me more that December than anyone else. I love them so much. I tried to thank them, and they told me to "pay it forward" when I could. They knew what it was like for a single mom (they had been raised by one) and they just wanted to help. I honestly don't know if I have ever met more caring people...they expect nothing in return.

Well this November one of them text me and asked if they could be secret Santa’s to my kids. I was shocked! They had already done so much. I then felt guilty that I was such a burden on my friends, but then quickly realized that this was a blessing.

I was expecting a large amount of money from my ex. I got a small portion, but only about 1/5 of what it should have been. I hoped that I would be able to find another way to do Christmas. I was upset that my kid’s dad has never bought them a Christmas present, and that he never would help me out. I knew I could do some, but it wouldn't be a lot. Then that text came and I knew it was an answer to my prayers.

A couple weeks before Christmas my friends stopped by with the gifts. HOLY CRAP there was a lot!!! More than we deserved and more than I expected!!! My kids were thrilled! I was so humbled by their unconditional love for us, and I know times are hard for everyone...but they went overboard!

I am so thankful for these friends. I love them and promise that someday I will "pay it forward".


Here is a portion of the email that they sent me. Thank you again!

We are so glad we CAN do this for you! ____ and I do sub for santa every year and this year we decided we wanted to help out someone we knew. _____ and I know how hard it is for a single mom expecially these days. Just know that it makes us feel good to be able to help out! I know exactly which dolls you are talking about for the girls so we will pick up some things. And we will definitely get the boots. Doug wants to know if you have a Christmas tree because he would love to get you guys a real one this year.

If you can think of anyting else just let me know, otherwise I will just pick up a few extras - and don't you worry about us not having to do this - we want to do this!

Contest

I entered this contest! I get entered twice if I blog about it! So I did because I really want to win!!

Not the best

This year has not been the best for little Jaycee. In the summer she had some test done because she had acid reflux, and it came back that she had an infection in her intestines in addition to a few other things.


Well Tues 12/22 the school called to say that she was in the office with a fever...so I quickly went and picked her up and headed straight to the doctor. I didn't want to be messing around with any kind of sickness with Christmas only a few days away.

She was tested for strep and a UTI...and they both were positive. The doctor said her UTI was really bad and that that is what was causing her 103 degree temp. She wrote us a prescription and we headed home.

It had snowed all day and traffic was a nightmare. It took me 2 hours to fill her prescriptions and drive home...YUCK! To say the least I was FRAZZLED! I made dinner, bathed Jaycee, gave her meds and headed to bed myself.

Jaycee had fallen asleep in the family room and I just couldn't see the sense in moving her...she looked so peaceful. I got in the shower and went downstairs to check on her one more time, she had peed through about 6-8 blankets that she was laying on, so I woke her up, started the washer and put her in the tub. When I got her all ready for bed again I put her in bed with me.

Well about 25-45 minutes later I had dosed off and was woken up by Jaycee throwing up on me and everything in my room. It was pretty gross and looked like something you would see in a movie!! So so so so GROSS!

So I got her bathed and ready for bed again, started the washer again and put her in her bed. She drifted off to sleep...Me I folded laundry and started the washer again.

About an hour later Jaycee had had another accident!!! UGH! I then moved Bryn to Camden’s bed and put her in Bryn’s bed...yeah she threw up in Bryn’s bed!!! I seriously in all my days as a mother have never had a night like this!!! Pure HELL!

Needless to say this continued throughout the night...I did make a call to the afterhours Doctor on call ( who happened to be our Pediatrician )advised me to bath her again to get her fever down, but he did want to see her in the morning.

So Wednesday morning we headed to the Doctor again...her fever was 104 and she was extremely dehydrated. They tried 3 times to get an IV in her, she screamed!!! I had to hold her down all 3 times :( Poor Camden could not handle all the trama in the room and I saw him screaming into his coat :( I felt so bad for him; he just didn't know how to help his sissy.

They Dr put antibiotics in her IV and said if she did not show improvement by that night he wanted us to go to Primary's. He left the IV in because he wanted to see her Thursday morning and possibly give her more fluids, and just in case she did need to go to Primary's.

In true Melissa bad luck...we ended up at Primary's. Her fever was 105 by the time we got there and they admitted her right away. My sweet sweet dad drove up to give her a grandfathers blessing.
She made me lay in the bed with her and since she was fevering and so hot, all I did was sweat all night. Every time I tried to move she woke up. At this point I hadn't slept in 2 days. I was exhausted!! Bryn and Camden were at the Taggarts, and I was so thankful that I didn't have to worry about them.

Jaycee was released Thursday evening and we headed straight to the Taggarts so Jaycee could get her PJ's from Santa. She was so surprised to know that Santa had known she had just come from the hospital. I do not even remember being at the Taggarts because I had NO sleep. We quickly headed home so the kids could get to bed...Oh but my little Camden could not fall asleep!! I kept telling him that he would miss Santa...no such luck! He really was trying though, so I wasn't mad.

I still had presents to wrap, but couldn't get them done till he was asleep. He fell asleep shortly after 1am and I got to bed about 3am. Camden woke me up at 7am....Only 4 hrs of sleep. I survived the day, but I was miserable. I was an absolute grump!! I feel badly about it now, but I couldn’t help it. I hope my kids don't remember me being that grumpy:(

Overall Christmas was great and I will post more this next week! :)