Soccer

Jaycee had decided to play soccer this year with her cute friend Sofia. Jaycee had never played before and if you know my girl, she isn't the quickest kid. She is slow at everything!!! And I mean everything!!! The last to get up, the last out of the car, the last to eat, the last to go to bed, the last to do everything.

She has been AWESOME at soccer. Loved every minute of it. And the best part is that she is actually good at it. Her coach commented many times that she was doing an great job. My Jaycee had finally found her thing! She has tried all season to score a goal, she got close several times but just couldn't quite get it in the net.

Her team the "Pink Awesomeness" was asked to play an extra game to help some of the other teams make up some of their rain out games. She had her game on Tuesday. She had tripped over the vacuum the day before and had a sore pinky toe. I told her she didn't have to play, but she was SO excited that she got to play another game. Well it happened to be against a pretty good team. They were down going into the 4Th quarter 2 to 0. Jaycee was playing her buns off!!! The other coach walked over and said that #9 was awesome and she hoped she got a goal. I was so proud of Jaycee for playing and trying so hard!

Well my baby girl ended up scoring 2 goals that night!!! Yes, two goals!!! I am so dang PROUD!! The other coach congratulated her and her coach picked her up and swung her around!! SO CUTE!!! When her goals went in her face was priceless!!! And the Pink Awesomeness ended up winning 4-2!!!

YAY JAYCEE!

Well during this game Jaycee got tripped and kicked, she cried, but stayed in the game. The next day she couldn't walk on her foot:( She ended up having a broken toe!! What a TROOPER! Love that girl!!!

Cloud 9....OK, maybe 10

Yesterday Brynn had a softball game. As we were getting ready for the game she pulled her hair in piggy tails. She commented that they were higher than she normally liked. I joking said, "Maybe you'll strike out!" I was totally joking and we both laughed.

The other team had first ups and our pitcher wasn't doing so hot! They walked 6 runs in. This is NO BUENO and I could tell Brynn was upset. She got up to bat and STRUCK OUT! Bryn has never struck out this year and has had fun in this league standing out as one of the best players. She kept swinging too soon and stepping into it. I went over and talked to her. She knew she was early and was going to try harder next time.

Her team scored 6 runs that inning and our pitcher picked up her game the next inning. Brynlee played 3rd base and got a couple really good plays that lead to outs. I talked to her about focusing and not feeling like she couldn't strike out. I am proud of her no matter what happens. Well she STRUCK OUT AGAIN!!! She didn't even swing the bat!!!!! My biggest thing is if you are going to strike out...strike out swinging. I talked to her and was a little upset and she knew she should have swung. ( I sometimes get a little competitive and should just shut up)

The next inning went by well and we were ahead. It comes about time for Brynn to bat for the 3rd tome and I joking said let's change your hair. So she pulled it back in 1 pony and went up to bat. I know the other team was thinking, " easy out!" "this girl has struck out twice already!" They even move in from the out field. The first pitch was thrown and SMACK!!!!! That ball went clear out to right field. Brynn wasn't even paying attention to the base coaches and headed straight to 3rd base. I really thought she would stop there, but I was a huge grin on her face as she headed for home!! I was jumping and screaming and she was smiling SOOOO BIG!!!
FIRST HOME RUN EVER!!!!!! I am one proud MAMA!!! Oh did I mention the bases were loaded? GRAND SLAM!!!!!

Several parents came up to her after and congratulated her! Even the Ump said awesome job as she came across home. She has been on cloud 9 since!!! Sue came to the game and I was so glad she got to see her hit it!

Well today Brynn found her cell phone she had lost since Nov. So I think she has officially moved up to cloud 10. If there is such a thing!!!

Love Brynn so much and hope nothing can bring her down!

DrEaM lOvEr(s)

So I have 3 men that I am seriously in L.O.V.E. with! I just don't know who to pick?

I love Bill Rancic. He is HOT and a good husband. I kinda have a crush on his wife too!



Dermot oh Dermot. I think I truly just love his name. He is not a huge actor, but he has been in some of my favorite T.V. shows as well. He is dreamy!



Joshy! He has been in some of my favorite movies and he seems so down to earth. I have a HUGE crush on him:)


I think I just needed an excuse to post hot men on my page:)

Torn

This past weekend I participated for the 4Th year in an annual auction for Burn Camp. I love how generous people are and know that the money they spend is well spent on these amazing kids.

But there is a conflict. (of course there is, this is ME we are talking about) I am the only one that is LDS. This has been hard for me because I L.O.V.E them...all of them. It is hard to be around people who drink. I have drank in the past (hey I went through a divorce, don't act so surprised) jk that is NOT an excuse, but I have a past. One I regret a lot of. I feel like sometimes it would be easier for me to choose the other lifestyle. I feel like this is a fight for me...one I am not sure I can win. The auction went well, but I forgot half my clothes. Oh well...I am glad it is over.

I went to church today. I only got 3 hours of sleep because of the time change and the auction. I LOVE my bishop! He is a wise man. He loves me...he knows of my struggles even though I don't talk about them. He understands and councils me. I feel torn until I talk to him. Then is know exactly what I want and I know I wont settle.

He related my struggles to running. I love to run! I don't run often enough...this will change:)

He said, " You're running a marathon, not sprinting." I need to remember that and pace myself.

surgery

Jaycee had her surgery this last Thursday. This day was bittersweet for me. I am hoping this "STING" procedure helps her infections and protects her kidney, but my baby girl was having surgery!!!!!!!

The left side if Jaycees bladder re flux's back up into her kidney.(think acid reflux) This would be the yucky stuff the kidney filters, and so that yucky stuff gets caught in her kidney causing kidney, bladder, and urinary tract infections. NOT FUN STUFF!

Jaycee potty trained fairly quickly, but always had accidents. This frustrated me to NO end!! I tried everything! I had no idea she had a problem and neither did the doctors till about a year ago....still I have a lot of regrets in the way I treated her and chose punishments. I was never cruel, I just thought she was being lazy, and so did her doctor.

So after a year of fighting with her Urologist and several more infections, her doctor decided to do a procedure on her bladder. They injected her bladder with some stuff to make the ureter opening not quite so large and paralyzed the part they thought was refluxing. This will cause her bladder to scar and hopefully repair the problem. If this doesn't work, she will have to have her ureter placed in a different spot. This is major surgery and requires a 5 day hospital stay!!! Let's pray it works. We wont know for 12 weeks if it has worked. It only has about a 40% chance, but I am super hopeful!

Thursday went great! She is such a trooper. She had to have a tooth pulled in the OR because it was loose and when they intabated her they could have knocked it out. The tooth fairy visited the OR and her tooth came out in a cup with a dollar taped to it. When Jayce woke up she was very sick to her tummy and in a LOT of pain. She was crying so hard! I cried...which probably made it worse. Her sweet PAPA had given her a coin before we left for surgery called a "papa coin" and when she squeezed it he would think of her. This was the first thing she asked for when she woke up:) Her nurse Teresa was amazing and was super sweet to Jayce. We came home later that day and she slept most of the day. I received so many phone calls and emails...it was wonderful.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words and prayers. They have meant the world to me.

Sacrifice

We watched this video in Relief Society yesterday and it has been on my mind ever since. I had several ancestors who came here with the Martin Handcart Company. I spoke with my mom about it today, she said that I come from good Pioneer stock, and to always remember that. Thanks Mom

D.O.N.E.

I am going to vent and then I will be DONE.

My sweet Jaycee is going to have to have surgery...this SUCKS! I hate her being sick all the time and I hate how much money all this is costing me. We go in on Feb. 8Th to find out what exactly her surgery will all include. I know it will involve her bladder, left ureter, and left kidney....sounds like a lotta stuff to me.

I hate that her Dad has no idea that she is even sick, or that he hasn't cared to see her for well over 2 years!!!! Almost 3 years he hasn't seen her. He hasn't seen her since she was 5, Camden was 3 and Bryn was 7. I don't get it???? I never will, but it bothers me when she has to go through this that it is ALL on me. I have more that I CAN handle right now.

I hate school! I feel stupid and inadequate. I hate it! I want to be a nurse so bad, but I am not able to do it all. I feel overwhelmed with just being a single mom...I hate that too!!!

I miss my old ward...my new ward is nice, but I feel like I don't belong. I am praying this will get easier.

I wish I had better parents who would help me and love me for me. There isn't much I can do about this, but I wish it was different.

I am scared I will be alone forever....this scares me a lot. I want to be loved, and to love again. This is the deepest desire of my heart.

My Bishop randomly asked to meet with me today. I cried A LOT. He promised me A LOT of things, but I do not feel worthy of his promises. I hate this feeling. I don't want to burden him with my problems.

I want single friends. I love my friends dearly, but I need some that understand the CRAP that comes with single life.

I hate being a Mom sometimes. It breaks my heart to say this, but I do feel this way. I LOVE my kids, but again feel inadequate when it comes to raising them alone.

I am scared to go to the temple...I have had a recommend to a year now and haven't used it. I am really scared.

It looks like I need to find my BIG GIRL PANTIES!

IDK, my BFF Gail?

The week before Christmas I was working a lot, taking care of three kids, and trying to get Christmas bought for my kids. Needless to say I was exhausted! I had just finished up the CRAPPIEST semester of my life, and I didn't pass one of my classes:( I was feeling defeated and blue.

Well apparently one night I was not doing a great job of hiding this and it showed. A sweet lady came through my line at work. I noticed her because she was wearing a hat like Crocodile Dundee and I was almost sure she had a knife in her belt ready to skin a gator. I know I shouldn't have judged her, but I meant no harm...oh and we get ALL kinds at work.

As I was ringing her up she said I look tired. Which I think is a polite way of saying, " You look like crap, but I don't want to hurt your feelings. " Anyways, I explained that I hadn't been sleeping well and that I had just finished up school. She said I should try some lavender on my pillow and that would help me. I politely told her I would try it.

I thought she was sweet for suggesting it to me and really thought I should try it. Well about a half hour later she came back through my line again. As she approached me she had the hugest smile on her face:) She then handed me a small bottle and told me "Merry Christmas!"

It was a bottle from Bath and Body Works....Sleep spray...Lavender Chamomile. I asked her her name. She replied, "Gail Springer." I of course started to cry and gave her a huge hug!!!

I am grateful for small selfless things like this that put me in the Christmas spirit! I am thankful for the kindness of strangers!

I hope Gail had a wonderful Christmas, because she sure made mine!

Best Buds

For Christmas this year we gave my dad tickets to a Jazz game. The only exception is that he had to take Camden! HA ha!!

Well I don't know about my dad, but Camden has been so excited!!! Camden planned his outfit out last night and could hardly sleep.

We meet my dad at the mall because my mom wanted to exchange a shirt I had bought her for Christmas. So my dad took Cam, and Jaycee and I hung out with my mom. I do sometimes dread hanging out with my mom. She can be critical of a lot of things, and she is not very supportive of my living situation...which complicates a lot of things in my life. But tonight was different??? She was very sweet and grateful I was willing to help her exchange her shirt. She even bought me and Jaycee dinner....mmmmm California Pizza Kitchen!!!

It was on the way home that it felt the weirdest, but in a good way. My mom complimented me and said I am doing a GREAT job with my kids and that she is proud of me. (Whoa!!! OK that has like NEVER happened.) She said she know I have a lot on my plate, but that I am doing well with what I have.

I am still in awe that this convo took place!

I love my mom, but we have never seen eye to eye. She tries to control a lot of things that aren't hers to control. She can never let the past go and that makes it hard. I hope my mom and I can strive to get along more and have more nights like this. :)

Well Camden had a BLAST!!! He loves #8 because he always score the points. Ha ha! And the gave him a giant Jazz flag...which I am not sure where we will put it. He is so excited to tell all his friends about it. My dad and Cam are for sure best buds.

BIG D

I feel like the moons are aligned wrong, or there is something in the water.

A LOT of people I know are going through divorces right now. Some are separated and considering it, or they are going through it.

I felt for a long time that I was the only one divorced...5 years now...yuck!

I am here to tell you that sometimes divorce is necessary, but other times it seems more convenient than anything. I remember a couple years ago I was sitting at the salon and the lady that was doing my nails introduced me another female customer who was going through a divorce. As her and I were talking, the conversation turned to " why are you divorced? " I explained the whole affair/pregnancy details of my divorce. ( I usually say more than I should, or more than they care to hear) She then explained that the reason she was getting a divorce was because her husband never made dinner for her. Seriously????? They had kids and everything!!! I felt so weir talking to her. I think I wanted to smack her! Is it too convenient now? Is it necessary??

I hate that I am divorced, but believe me I do not want to be married to my ex! I hate that I automatically have baggage! I feel judged and looked down upon....like I have failed or something?

If you are considering the big D...think long and hard. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Divorce does not solve your marital problems....sometimes they are worse after.

I hate to even talk about this, but I just feel so sad that so many friends are going through this :(