Sunday, January 30, 2011

D.O.N.E.

I am going to vent and then I will be DONE.

My sweet Jaycee is going to have to have surgery...this SUCKS! I hate her being sick all the time and I hate how much money all this is costing me. We go in on Feb. 8Th to find out what exactly her surgery will all include. I know it will involve her bladder, left ureter, and left kidney....sounds like a lotta stuff to me.

I hate that her Dad has no idea that she is even sick, or that he hasn't cared to see her for well over 2 years!!!! Almost 3 years he hasn't seen her. He hasn't seen her since she was 5, Camden was 3 and Bryn was 7. I don't get it???? I never will, but it bothers me when she has to go through this that it is ALL on me. I have more that I CAN handle right now.

I hate school! I feel stupid and inadequate. I hate it! I want to be a nurse so bad, but I am not able to do it all. I feel overwhelmed with just being a single mom...I hate that too!!!

I miss my old ward...my new ward is nice, but I feel like I don't belong. I am praying this will get easier.

I wish I had better parents who would help me and love me for me. There isn't much I can do about this, but I wish it was different.

I am scared I will be alone forever....this scares me a lot. I want to be loved, and to love again. This is the deepest desire of my heart.

My Bishop randomly asked to meet with me today. I cried A LOT. He promised me A LOT of things, but I do not feel worthy of his promises. I hate this feeling. I don't want to burden him with my problems.

I want single friends. I love my friends dearly, but I need some that understand the CRAP that comes with single life.

I hate being a Mom sometimes. It breaks my heart to say this, but I do feel this way. I LOVE my kids, but again feel inadequate when it comes to raising them alone.

I am scared to go to the temple...I have had a recommend to a year now and haven't used it. I am really scared.

It looks like I need to find my BIG GIRL PANTIES!

3 comments:

elise said...

That sounds overwhelming! I will definitely pray for Jaycee and for all of you. I hope things start looking up soon!

Young Family said...

I'm so sorry. You have a lot on your plate. I don't like to go to the temple alone. If you want someone to go with I will go with you.

Melissa said...

Jessica, you are too sweet. I think I might take you up on that promise.

Elise, Thank you for being you:)